So Long, Insecurity: Week 9

Happy St. Pat’s Day, my friends!

Today on the blog, it is our second to last meeting of online Bible study. If you have been participating, make sure to click here to see previous weeks. If you haven’t been participating, you always can. Buy the book by clicking the picture on my sidebar, and go through these weekly posts.

A Word From Beth:

“In this week’s discussion we can start moving the focus off our own insecurity. We will be thinking not just about how we experience triggers to insecurity but about other women and how we can help them deal with their triggers.

I’ll admit that when I invite women to share their vulnerabilities with each other, I’m suggesting something a little scary. Because let’s be honest: a struggling junior high girl who tells the popular girls that they make her feel insecure is, unfortunately, just asking for more of the same. But we’re not in junior high anymore, sisters (and praise the Lord for that!). In some ways, we’re all both the struggling girl and the popular girl. We all wrestle with insecurities, and we all (knowingly or not) do things that make others feel insecure. So let’s be open with each other and respond to that openness with support, respect, and honesty.”

Beth says: When I surveyed men about their take on women’s insecurities, one respondent said this:

“Most obvious is when women are around other women; they try to size each other up and look for reasons to not get along rather than to get along. They seem easily intimidated, whether by physical beauty, character status, or whatever makes them feel that the other woman has more going for her, and a barrier goes up. (pg. 275-276)

1. How do you respond to this take on female relationships? Has insecurity ever robbed you of what could have been a rich friendship with another woman? Has it affected the type of woman you befriend?

She says: I have to admit that there’s more than a snippet of truth to what this man says. We women do sometimes let barriers come between us-and that’s terrible shame. Let’s do our best to break the mold by taking a look at four things we can do to promote security among the women around us. First, we need to stop making comparisons.

Now read from “our constant propensity” to “give credit to someone else?” on pg. 279-280.

1. Talk about a time you fell victim to the “bad math” of insecurity (see pages 280-281). How can we correct our thinking when this happens?

Second, we need to start personalizing the other women. Read from “In order to nurse a rival mentality” to “in Jesus’ name.” (pg. 284, 286)

1. Have you ever felt your insecure or jealous feelings evaporate when something occurred that humanized your “rival”? What happened?

Third, we don’t trip another woman’s insecurity switch. Read from “We all have just enough meanness in us” to “build up our wounded selves at somebody else’s expense.” (pg. 288-289)

1. Tell someone else that you’re feeling insecure requires great vulnerability. How would you react if someone came to you with a situation like those described on pages 287-288 and humbly suggested that you were acting as a trigger? How could good friends or family members handle this?

The fourth way we can help others is to be examples of secure women. Read from “Most women will” to “because it’s as contagious to its counterpart” (pg. 290)

1. Who have been examples of secure women in your life? What impact have they had on you?

When we cultivate the kind of focus where we take our minds off ourselves and think of others first our perspective changes. Our culture tells us to major on the minors, to embrace the superficial and spend our time and energy worrying about ourselves. And guess what? That’s a prime recipe for insecurity. We have to find the way out. Read “Human nature dictates” to “you must lose yourself in something larger” on pg. 309-310 to see how Beth puts it in chapter 16.

1. Tell about a time when serving God or focusing on someone else freed you from the self-absorption of insecurity. Why do you think this happens?

The next section we will talk about today is the passage from Isaiah 58 that Beth quotes in chapter 16 (pg. 317-318). Before you read the verses, keep in mind the context. The Israelites were asking why God seemed not to hear them when they prayed. They held up their fasting as proof of their righteousness, but the Lord indicted them with their own actions. They patted themselves on the back because they went to the Temple, but otherwise they did as they pleased (v.3). They were oppressing their own workers, and even their days of fasting were ruined by quarrels and violence. They pretended to do the right things, but in reality, they were self-absorbed and superficial-and probably miserable as a result.

1. Read Isaiah 58: 6-11. What do verses 6-7 tell us about the attitude God wants us to have toward others?
2. According to verses 8-11, what will happen when we adjust our attitude outward instead of inward? What images are used to communicate the idea of renewal and refreshment?

There’s no question that the world benefits when we break free of our self-absorption and serve others. But the amazing thing is that we benefit as well. When we have a sense of purpose that goes beyond our own skin, we are renewed, refreshed, and satisfied.

As we think about moving our focus beyond ourselves, let’s look at some Scripture passages that address our relationships with other women. Keep your eyes open to ways we can build each other up and help each other find security.

1. Read Galatians 5:22-26. How does celebrating each person’s uniqueness help us avoid jealousy and unhealthy comparisons? What role does the Holy Spirit play in helping us accomplish this?
2. Read John 13:34-35. What is Jesus’ command here? What are some specific things that would happen if we followed it?
3. When we get caught up in insecurity, too often we depersonalize those who threaten us. How does loving someone keep us from viewing her only as a competitor?
4. Read Matthew 5:43-45. WH do you think we are commanded to pray for our enemies? How does the act of praying for them – or other people who just rub us the wrong way, threaten us, and trigger every possible security button – change us?

To wrap it all up:

We’ll never be healed of our self-centeredness until we are wounded irreparably with love for an aching world. Insecurity puts us in a prison of self-absorbtion, but when we reach out to others, those prison bars are shattered. Sharing the love of Christ will become life to us, bringing us renewal, perspective, and purpose. May we leave our superficiality behind and reap the benefits God will graciously bestow.

In your journal:

1. Think through your closest female relationships. What things do others do that trip your insecurity switch? Are there things you’re doing that likely trip other people’s triggers? What could you do to change?
2. Consider the questions from page 310. What is your passion? What do you want your life to be about? If you long for something that makes you feel fully alive and part of something specific God is doing for the greater good, ask Him to nurture that vision in you.

Assigned Reading: Chapter 17 and 18. As you’re reading in the book, underline what is jumping out at you, what you think is true, what surprises you, and what seems to be the most challenging. Maybe you highlight the answers to each of those questions in a different color.

Prayer Requests?

See y’all soon for our last week!

NOLA Mission Trip Flashback

As I put in my Friday the 13th post, mission trips (although i’ve only been on one) are one of my favorite things. The summer after my senior year in high school I went on a mission trip to New Orleans. I got to cross two things off my bucket list that summer…go on a mission trip and visit New Orleans. I had no idea what to expect all I knew is I wanted to go. So, after a lot of support letters sent out and many generous family members and friends (thank you all!) I was headed to NOLA with some of my good friends! Here’s our crew right before we departed:

 So, a long car ride in a van and we are headed to Louisiana. Some people got bored along the way.

During our lunch break we stopped and saw this cool thing in the parking lot.

My church had gone to New Orleans a couple years before this one but I never had the option to go so I was pretty excited this year. We stayed in a house owned by the local Presbyterian Church. Every morning we got up EARLY and traveled to schools in the area to clean/decorate/move furniture/etc to help get them set up for the upcoming school year. One school we went to we were in charge of re-painting the upstairs bathrooms.

(Above left) The mural some of us painted in the boys’ bathroom. (Above center) My youth pastor, Patrick, and I taking a break from our hard work to pose for a picture. (Above right) The mural in the girls’ bathroom.

My talented friend, Reeana was the one who drew the outline, while the rest of us not-as-talented folk just painted it in. You think you love painting until you’re doing it for two days in a row…ow, arthritis. I thought I knew what tired was, but I really had no clue until I was on my feet for basically a week straight!

At another school we moved furniture out of the classrooms for the school administration to get someone to clean  and get ready for the upcoming school year.

My favorite part of the trip was the day we got to sightsee around New Orleans. This was my first time going so everything was new to me. We had limited funds (I was in charge of organizing the activities) so this was one of our activities, a FREE ferry ride across the Mississippi. This is a picture of me that Reeana took. She can draw and photograph. What can’t this girl do?!

We walked around and Madison did this:

We saw this bus with kids singing out the windows:

As activities director of the trip I decided what we did on our free day and we went to the Audubon aquarium:

We also shopped:

Then Reeana and Sarah baked cookies:

Another evening our group walked around the French Quarter. We stopped by Cafe Du Monde for dessert (It’s a must) while we were there. If you haven’t had a beignet yet, purchase yourself a round-trip ticket to NOLA just to get a beignet. Okay, maybe not go to those extremes, but beignets are definitely worth forgetting food allergies for.

One of our last evenings there we went to a house of one of the members from the local Presbyterian Church and had dinner. This is Madison and I with their daughter:

On our last day in New Orleans we took one of our bright neon yellow shirts and had everyone sign it. We hung it on the walls for future groups to see.

As you can see, we all had a blast working in New Orleans from the aftermath of Katrina AND we got to glorify God at the same time. What could be better?