So Long, Insecurity: Week 7
YOU GUYS!
I’m so angry this morning!!
I had this entire post already written Saturday night and I went to save it and it said “It couldn’t be saved”, so I copied and pasted it and tried to reload the page. Well, when I went to paste my post in another page…THERE WAS NOTHING TO PASTE. So this post that I spent hours on, literally, was completely gone. Now i’m all backed up since I didn’t get everything done yesterday that I want to.
Angry. This. Morning. Still. But i’ll get over it at some point or another.
Here’s a word from Beth this week:
I have a feeling some of you might not be thrilled to be here today. There are some tough things that we have to face about our own tendencies as women that frankly don’t make us look so good. It can be difficult to face head-on the ways our insecurity can damage relationships and hurt the people closest to us-husband, children, other family members, close friends. I won’t pretend this process is pleasant, but there’s no other way than to hold up the mirror and face reality. It’s time for us to be honest about how our fears sometimes jack the best relationships we have going for us – and then figure out how to change that.
We’re coming down the homestretch of this study, and the most encouraging, practical material is still ahead. I encourage you to press on. In the spirit of 2 Corinthians 8:11, “Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it.” Translation? Let’s finish strong!
Alright so here we go…
Let’s start by touching on some of the survey results shared in Ch.12. Based on the way the men responded to questions about how women exhibit insecurity, it’s lear that we’re not hiding our issues nearly as well as we think we are. Men see what we’re doing, and they’re not impressed.
- What were some of the things men pointed out in women as signs of insecurity? Does this list seem accurate to you? What surprised you about the survey respondents’ perceptions?
Some of the men even expressed frustration about constantly having to reassure the women in their life. One husband wrote about his frustrations saying:
“Typical, common, widespread insecurities include looks, body shapes, lack of education or perceived intelligence, neediness, and many others. It manifests itself in nagging, self-doubt, self-loathing, seeking approval/validatoin, and the need for constant reassurance. It gets quite tiring of men who, as we get older, just love you for exactly the way you are. Can you not understand that? We are not lying when we tell you we love you, you’re beautiful, and we enjoy being with you. When women’s insecurities are vividly displayed to us, it turns us off, frustrates us to no extent, and perplexes us. Get over it!” Pg.236-237
- How do you react to this statement? In what ways has insecurity affected your relationships with the men around you?
As we can see, men are repelled by open displays of female insecurities. In the long run, it doesn’t make them more tender to us, more careful with us, or more loving towards us. Not even more attached to us. It makes them, in the words of another guy, want to “run for their lives”. It may not be fair, but it is definitely a fact.
Read through on Pg. 237 from “after months of research….to women want to be with someone they can respect.”
- How might your relationship with your significant other change if you were characterized by security and confidence? Does the prospect of healthier relationships provide you with additional motivations to deal with your insecurity?
Keep in mind the convictions that we are talking about throughout this section don’t have to be sexual. The sad truth is that sometimes we feel threatened if our man is truly on fire for the Lord because somehow we think his passion for God negates his passion for us. If that sense of threat causes us to do whatever we can to break down his enthusiasm and drag him back to a safe middle ground, we’re in big trouble. When we deliberately pull a man down from his God-given convictions, we are playing the devil-and we need to recognize it and stop.
- Share about a time you felt threatened by the convictions of a man in your life? What do you think was behind this fear?
Beth goes into talking about omnipotence and omniscience. Omnipotence is “all-knowing” and Beth says that an insecure person’s greatest need for control is directed toward those who have the most potential to either threaten her security or strengthen it. (WOW). That’s often times why we go after boyfriends, husbands, significant others. Re-read the section on page 208-209.
- Whom do you find yourself most wanting to control? What do you think is the connection between insecurity and a desire for control?
- How is appropriate parental authority different from excessive parental control?
“I believe our greatest challenge as women is to avoid trying to control someone toward what we’re genuinely convinced is a better life. The more insecure we are, the more tempting it is because something is in it for us, too. In other words, if my loved one would __________, then i’d be ___________.” (Pg. 210)
- How would you fill in the blanks?
- What are some ways we can combat the tendency to play God in the lives of those we love?
Beth says the bottom line about control is that people will always do what they want. You can’t make them, force them, change them, or deliver them. Only God can. And that’s why He is the omnipotent one. (Pg. 214)
- Have ou ever come up against the realization that you can’t change anyone? What were the circumstances?
The next issue that we talk about is our desire to be like God: omniscience, or the desire to know it all. (UH, YES). We want to know everything. On pg. 215-218 Beth tells us a story about a woman she knew that found out too much information on her fiancé. Re-read everything on page. 218-219.
- Have you ever found yourself in a station where you asked for more information than you could handle? What happened?
- Have you ever sensed that God was setting limits on your knowledge based on what you can handle? Have you ever set boundaries for what you should or shouldn’t know? How do you know when you’re crossing a boundary?
As we look at scripture today we see some ways that we try to play God. Beth’s goal is for us to re-gain the right perspective about God. She hopes that when we see His power and knowledge, we’ll see that he really doesn’t need help.
- Read Psalm 104: 24-32. Think about the images of God’s power that are included.
- What phrases or images stand out the most to you? How is God’s power-his omnipotence-communicated?
- Read Isaiah 55: 8-11. What does it mean that the Lord’s thoughts are higher than ours?
- How does a bigger, more accurate picture of God help us gain perspective on ourselves and our limitations?
- God can do anything!! Read 1 Thessalonians 5: 23-24. How is God changing us? What does He promise in this passage?
- Read Philippians 1: 3-6. What is Paul confident about (verse 6)? How can this assurance give us hope-and cure us of our desire to change others?
In your journal:
- If you’ve experienced a situation where you grasped for more information than you could handle, ask the Lord for His help and healing this week. Pray for the ability to discern and respect the boundaries He sets for you.
- Think about the situations in your life that tempt you to try to be omnipotent or omniscient. What do you need to let go of? Ask God to help you develop a plan for dealing with these temptations.
- If you’re feeling brave, ask your spouse or close friend how you and your relationships could benefit from your increased security. What steps can you take this week in that direction?
Assigned Reading: Chapter 13 and 14. As you’re reading in the book, underline what is jumping out at you, what you think is true, what surprises you, and what seems to be the most challenging. Maybe you highlight the answers to each of those questions in a different color.
Prayer Requests?
Let God be God today. Have a great Monday!
Colors of Life 