Fitting Exercise Into Your Busy Schedule

I know this is something that a lot of people struggle with. Time! How do we find time??? Look, we all have lives right? We work, we go to school, we have our kids to take care of, etc. And sometimes it’s just not feasible in the season that we’re in to hit the gym as much as we’d like. So I sat down and thought about some tips I would give someone who is busy but wants to fit exercise into their schedule.

1. Decide if you’re an AM or PM workout person

I’d call this the first step. This is key because when you figure out what you like, you’re that much more likely to do your workout. If you don’t know, try both. I’ve found myself doing both at different times. It’s just whatever season I am in at the moment. Let’s face it, if you have all your energy in the mornings, but you try to continually workout after work at 5PM you will crash and burn every time. Get to know your body.

2. Next, PLAN

Prepare your gym bag ahead of time. Every night before I go to bed I make a penciled list of everything I have to/want to accomplish the next day. I then write down the times for everything I have to do and then write in times for things I want to do. That was I can prioritize.

3. So make it a priority

Once you decide if fitting a workout into your day is important to you, make it a priority. If you’re an AM exerciser, get that booty up early enough before work. If you’re a PM exerciser, go straight to the gym after class/work. If someone says “hey let’s go to dinner tonight” make sure to schedule dinner at a time that you can get your workout/shower/and change beforehand. Make it a priority.

4. Motivate yourself

If you like to workout in the AM, wear your gym clothes to bed. If you like to workout in the PM, plan a healthy and yummy dinner in the crockpot so you can look forward to that afterwards. Buy some new gym clothes. Get new gym gear. Download some new music that you’ll be excited to listen to. Find something that you like and learn to motivate yourself with it.

5. Get an accountability partner

It’s important to have accountability partners in all aspects of your life…spiritually, emotionally, etc. so why would your fitness life be any different? There’s strength in numbers, my friends. If you have a class or workout set up with your friend to both be at you are less likely to skip it.

6. Use those lunch breaks

For real. Take a walk during your lunch break. It’ll get you outside with some fresh air and it will get your heart rate up. After sitting down most of the day, your body will really appreciate it. You need a break anyways.

7. KISS

Keep it short, stupid. No i’m not calling you stupid. Instead of “Keep it simple, stupid”…keep it short! Just because you’re not working out for a long time doesn’t mean you won’t see benefits from exercise. Do some HIIT for 30 minutes, walk around your neighborhood, follow a quick yoga DVD, do some squats in your office for a break during your work day. Try some moves I showed in my stability ball video. Just get moving.

8. Multi-task

You all have seen my pictures before…I read while I walk the streets of my neighborhood. I know, some of you are thinking about how unsafe that is and some of you are wondering how you could be coordinated enough to do that. Well, I’m really not that coordinated! You’ve also seen pictures of me studying for exams while walking the treadmill. Hold some planks while you’re scrolling through Instagram. I do them all. I love them all. I love to exercise while I am doing something else.

So these are just a few tips I have…there’s definitely more where that came from. Now share: what do you like to do??

A College Commuter’s 10 Tips To Staying Healthy

When you first think of the word “college”, what do you think? For me,

Parties.

“Everyone’s” favorite part.

Stress.

Before you go to college you hear everyone talking about how hard college classes are. You’re on your own and responsible for keeping track of 15-18 hours of coursework.

Poor.

Tuition? Yeah, you mean my life savings?

Unhealthy.

And unhealthy…how many people have talked to you about gaining that freshman 15? Because it’s easier and cheaper to go to the McDonald’s dollar menu vs. buying groceries and making a meal. Right?

I discussed my college experience at The University of Oklahoma in a different post, but when I transferred home it became a different type of college life. I was now in a different classification…I became a commuter. My school is about 45 minutes from my house, so I made my schedule where I only drive there on Tuesday and Thursdays. But i’m there ALL. DAY. After attending this school for 3 semesters, I came up with some tips of my own for trying to stay healthy.

1. Take your lunch.
   • Be nice to your body and pack lunch, dinner, and snacks that you know are nutritious. At the same time you’re saving money too! This semester i’m on campus from 11:30-9, so I bring a cooler filled with food and water.
2. Utilize your breaks.
   • I have a THREE HOUR break during the day on Tuesdays to sit around and do nothing. By utilizing my breaks, I become so efficient. I get my blog post done, I get my assignments done, I answer my e-mails, I have my Quiet Time, I exercise. I just try to do something.
3. Bring your laptop.
   • There is one class that I have at night where I am not interested one bit. This professor rambles and has the longest PowerPoint slides ever. I decided that if i’m already going to be playing around on my electronics i’ll just bring my laptop and blog or work on schoolwork instead of wasting time on Pinterest.
4. Check out that gym.
   • It’s free! And we’re in college, so we like free! You’re paying for it with that expensive tuition in case you forgot. Once class is over, go lift some weights. Walk a couple miles on the treadmill. Attend a group exercise class. I’ve been going during my 3 hour break to just walk on the treadmill and foam roll for 30-45 minutes. It’s a refreshing break from learning that’s for sure.
5. Wear workout clothes to class.
   • Some people don’t believe in this by saying “dress for success”, but let’s be realistic. If you’re sitting in classes all day the last thing you want is to be uncomfortable. Wear something you’re comfortable in, plus if you’re already wearing your leggings and tennis shoes then you’ll be more likely to hit the gym during your break or maybe before and after class.
6. Stand in between classes.
   • During the Fall semester, I was in 4 classes straight from 1:00-6:45PM. That is a LONG time to be sitting in a chair. I can barely handle that much sitting as it is, but I’ve now gotten into the habit of standing in the hallway up until the professor starts talking. Stretch your legs and give that booty a break.
7. Put a pillow and blanket in your car.
   • This is weird. I know. But I say if you’re exhausted who are you to deny yourself a nap? Instead of laying down in the middle of the business school, pull out your pillow and blanket and take a nap in your car. #commuterprobs
8. Buy the expensive parking pass.
   • If your school has a large amount of students that are commuters, then you know my pain when I say PARKING SUCKS. I don’t know if you knew this, but schools will sell about 3 passes for every 1 spot. Dumb right? With buying the expensive parking pass I’ve found that while I may have to drive around for a while, I can usually find something within decent walking distance eventually.
9. Take a refillable water bottle.
   • Now, I already said I pack a cooler for my long days at school. I’ll put about 2 water bottles in there and then fill up my camelbak before I leave. I’ve found that my school has water fountains all around, so once you finish all your water bottles, fill that camelbak up. We all know they up-charge water, so it’s a heck of a lot cheaper! Drink. Your. Water. even if you’re just sitting all day!!!!
10. Create a routine.
    • By now you should know I am a woman of routine. I thrive on routines. On occasion i’ll switch it up but if I have my routine of everything that I want/need to get done in a day planned out then I make sure to stay healthy – physically (hitting the gym), mentally (planning assignments), etc.

As you can see, being healthy doesn’t just pertain to physical health. It’s important to keep healthy emotionally, spiritually, and mentally too. I’m sure I could probably list some more as well, but these were the first 10 that came to mind when I was sitting in class yesterday and thought of this post.

Let’s stay healthy! Do you have any tips for what you do/did to stay healthy in college whether as a commuter or not?

Not Satisfied.

This post today was totally unplanned, but has been sitting heavy on my heart lately so I just went with it. Don’t worry I won’t type your eyes out 😉 I attempted to keep it short and sweet, which is hard for me sometimes haha.

I don’t want to be someone that puts up a front. Sometimes I feel as though bloggers do. Like, since we don’t know each other personally (as in we’ve never been in the physical presence of one another) I feel as though it’s easy to play ourselves up on the blog. But i’ll let you in on a secret here. While i’m very open and honest in my posts, I’m not always open and honest about being a happy, satisfied, and positive person. Most days I try to be. But a lot of the time that just doesn’t happen.

One thing I know to be true is that i’m very hard on myself. I’m an over-achiever. I’m an over-analyzer/thinker. I’m a people pleaser. Add that all together and you find anxiety. I often think about how hard I am on myself. I have this need for achievement, and according to Thomas Armstrong’s 12 stages of life, that’s right in line with my age group (technically enterprise but same thing).

I put an extraordinary amount of pressure on myself to achieve. I want to achieve my ideal body. I want to achieve that 4.0 one semester. I want to be liked by everyone around me. I want to be the best. I want, I want.

But then when months of working out doesn’t get me my ideal body, pulling an all-nighter for my exam doesn’t get me an A, someone tells me that they don’t like me, and i’m defeated. I’m left feeling as though I have failed somehow because I didn’t reach my goal. I didn’t achieve.

Here’s what i’m talking about.

At the end of last semester I was hanging out with my friends. We were in the car and I got my grades for the past spring semester. I looked online and saw I had a 3.355. I asked them if that was good and Emily said, “Yes, that’s so good!” But I wasn’t happy with it. I wanted better. I’m not satisfied.

Sometimes i’ll be working out and notice that i’m not doing my intervals as fast as I should be. I should run longer. I should be able to hold my poses in yoga longer. I should be able to do more reps. I’m not satisfied.

I’ve been working out for however long now and i’m not seeing “the perfect me” when I look in the mirror. Or my hips look wide. Ladies…..? And i’m not satisfied.

I’ll cook a meal for my family and I know how to follow the directions perfectly. My family will tell me it’s good, but I still get worried that they’re just trying to make me feel good about myself. And i’m not satisfied.

The amount of time that I spend in my spiritual life is not where I think it should be. So i’m not satisfied.

I know what you’re thinking…then change things! Right? I mean why is it that i’m never satisfied? Is it bad? Is it good? I think each to a certain extent. I think it’s good that I don’t get comfortable where I am. I should always be striving to do better. And to become a better person. For me. But it’s when I let those expectations spiral too far that it becomes bad.

My main worry right now is why do I spend so much time looking in the mirror trying to figure out how I can change myself. I spend so much of the little free time I have worrying about my body image. Or comparing myself to others. I always told myself I was never going to be one of those people, yet here I am. Never say never.

I know i’m going to struggle with this for a while. Some of you can relate, right? Do you feel the same way as me? I think it’s so important to remember that…

…and…

But it’s hard, y’all. It makes life hard when you’re not ever satisfied. How do you change it? Honestly, I think to be satisfied, the best thing to do is think of /do the things that make me happy in life.

From here on out, i’m making a conscious effort to not dwell on the bad, but focus on the good – the things that make me happy. I mean that’s what life should be about right? Doing what makes you happy. When I die, or if i’m sitting in my hospital bed thinking back on my life I want to remember all the things that made me happy. The things that made my life fulfilling and worth living. When i’m laying in a hospital bed I won’t be worried about how wide I think my hips look, or how high my GPA was as long as I got my degree. Or any of the petty things that don’t matter that much!

Happiness comes from within. Today and tomorrow and after that, i’m choosing happiness. And I will do what I need to do to get to the point where I am satisfied and at peace.

I don’t know what your life has been like lately, but these are a few things that make me happy. I’d encourage you today to write a list of what makes YOU happy. It really can change your perspective.

Help a Sista Out

Ahhhhh good morning! Today i’m reminded of my blog’s Bible verse.

Oh, yes. Hi friends. Don’t you remember that it was just last week when I was telling you about how I usually don’t have anything to talk about when it comes time for Thursday? So I think “oh crap” and try to come up with something?

I realized though that I don’t want to come up with a post just for the sake of having a post. I want to know what you’d actually want to read! I know there are times I see articles online and don’t open them because it just doesn’t sound interesting. I want you to feel like it’s worth your time coming to my page and reading my posts!

Now i’m asking you to help a sista out 🙂

What post/topics are you interested in me blogging about?

Like do you want to hear about volunteering? or being a college student? or food? or Texas? or how I manage to research and come up with posts about strange things such as chia seeds? or Jesus? or fitness? or being allergic to gluten? or friendships? or how I live life being a shortie? or my daily life struggles? or should I just stop blogging now?? Haha! I mean, anything. I’m interested to know. Challenge me. Get to know me. Whatever you want. Just throw out what pops in your head!

I Challenge You.

You know, some posts I have thought/planned out in advance. And some posts I just don’t have planned at all, usually those nights i’m like “oh crap, what am I going to write about tonight?” And last night was one of those “oh crap” nights. For some reason when it comes to Thursday i’ve got nothing. Often times when I miss a post, it’s a Thursday. HOWEVER, we are not skipping today because I was thinking about my post last night and actually got an idea. #waytogobrain

I’m going to challenge you.

In case you didn’t already know, i’m a small group leader at Church for high school freshman. HUGE BLESSING! And that’s a challenge in and of itself i’ll tell you. Last night was youth group (we call it Hope Students) and the student pastor from one of the other campuses was preaching. I had never heard him speak before, but i’ll tell you now that he has me so intrigued! I love the way he speaks and his message? Awesome. So awesome that we’re talking about it today 😉

Without taking you to Church, no Hozier, I will not take you to Church. Get it? Where’s the laughing while crying emoji when I need it?! Okay yes that’s enough. SO without taking you to Church, i’ll give you 5 points that really stuck out to me in his sermon on creative generosity.

1. Giving brings happiness.
2. Don’t play fair – don’t follow the rules of “well, the Bible says tithe 10% of your income, so I don’t need to give more”
3. Love everyone. God gave us the gift to love everyone, including our enemies.
4. Be there for others when it seems like the last thing you want to do.
5. Give like you can’t give anymore.

He then challenged us with a story about how he got the idea to get his friends to help him set up a little “restaurant” in their apartment for their couple friends to have a date night. They had a waiter, a waiter in training, a hostess, a chef, and a little band (all friends). The duo that sang was performing each of their “couple songs” and he said he was in the kitchen and all of a sudden heard one of the pastor’s wives start sobbing when their song was played. He told us that’s what he does it for. He mentioned the fact that he (and many of us) have made people cry sad tears before…but never happy tears (until then obviously).

I was just so encouraged and challenged by this pastor, so i’m challenging you to get creative and show some sort of generosity to someone today.

1. Get your phone, open your texts, and send the 15th person in your texts an encouraging note. He had us do this last night and it was AWESOME! If you don’t have 15, go with #5.
2. Send a note to someone in the mail today with maybe something as simple as a $5 gift card to somewhere. Like he said, we don’t get excited that we get $5, we’re excited because someone was thinking of us when they shouldn’t have been.
3. He told us sometimes he’ll call someone, they’ll answer, he will randomly start spilling things he loves about that person and then hang up. They’ll try to call back and you just ignore it. Just let it sink in to them. Maybe you should try that!
4. Buy a friend/significant other a vase of flowers if that’s your thing.
5. The ideas are endless.

Decide how you can encourage someone today with your generosity…whether big or small!

I just love that ^^ Now what are YOU going to do?

Make it a great Thursday!

Bible Verses For Everyday

Sometimes when you’re feeling a certain kind of way, a quote can make it better. Sometimes a Bible verse makes you see things from another perspective. Sometimes it’s just what you need.

These are some of my favorite quotes…

You should follow me on Pinterest and see what i’m pinning on my “Quotes/Words to Live By” page. It includes all of these and more 🙂

This verse sits in my bathroom, so every morning when I wake up I think of Matthew 21:22…

…because

This is my blog’s Bible verse…

…because I try to

…like waking up alive another day.

And I think this Proverbs verse is one we as Christians need to remember.

And this verse is so important for us (females especially) to remember.

Lately, I’ve started writing verses in my journal that I want to look at. Like I said, sometimes that’s just what we need.

When i’m in need of faith?
James 1:3-4
Daniel 6: 15-23 (The story of Daniel in the Lion’s Den)

Happiness and full of joy?
Philippians 4:11-13
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Galatians 5:22

Tithing/Giving/Finances?
Proverbs 3:9
Malachi 3:10-12

When i’m dealing with hard-to-deal-with people?
1 Peter 3:9-11
Ephesians 6:13-18

About Praying?
Ephesians 6:18
Matthew 6:33

I’ve got lots of verses on trust. I’ve got verses on marriage as well, and while i’m not in that season of life yet, I know they will be important one day. There is so much good stuff in this book! This post was awesome for me to write last night. It got me reading through my Bible and reminding myself of certain things I really needed reminding of.

Maybe you just needed a reminder today to read through your Bible and pray. I know it can be easy to forget or not have time for. Leave some comments on what your favorite verses are when you’re feeling _________. I’d really love to know 🙂

Colors of Life: A Night Owl

Y’all had to know this was coming. I mean, I am a night owl.

In fact, when I first started drafting this post it was 4:31AM on a Sunday. I fell asleep for an hour or two and there I was again…awake.

A lot of the time we see bloggers’ morning routines. I love a good routine, and I love seeing what other people’s routines look like to see what works for them. I did a morning routine of mine from a year ago and i’ll probably do another one again soon as routines change given our always changing lives. But today, i’m talking about my nighttime routine.

This is what my typical M/W evenings look like. T/TH is different because I have class until 6:45…so on those days everything gets pushed back and the workout part is taken out (I usually do that before class on those days.)

First up, I get off work at 5:00. Some days I can get out of the office at 4:45 or a tad bit earlier, but usually I am pretty busy up until the time I actually leave. I have a 45 minute-1 hour drive home. Occasionally i’ll call my grandpa and we will chat, i’ll listen to an online sermon, or just play my music. As soon as I get home I try to change into my workout clothes right away…so that i’ll actually workout.

Once I get home, put my lunch dishes in the dishwasher, change, take off my make-up, etc…i’ll get my workout in. Recently i’ve been doing this in the mornings so that I don’t have to do it when I get home. But usually i’m going on a walk, doing a Kayla Itsines workout, or doing Yoga and Pilates for about 45 minutes. Once i’m done, i’ll stretch and shower then get in my PJ’s, heat up some dinner, and watch TV to wind down after a long day of work or class.

After I don’t do anything for a little bit, i’ll finally start my homework and write my blog post if it isn’t done. That’ll usually take a couple hours (because I end up walking around the house and talking to the fam to waste time) haha. #procrastinationatitsfinest

Once i’m done with my homework and blogging, i’ll brush my teeth and hop into bed. I’ve been trying to get to sleep by 11:00 every night…but most of the time it doesn’t happen. Because i’m a night owl.

I’ve been a night owl for as long as I remember. When I was a baby, I never wanted to go to sleep. And then in middle school and high school my mom would always get mad at me because I would start my projects at 9:00 at night and that’s when her brain was shutting off. Maybe it was the reason that it was the night before it was due and I needed her help…I don’t know. But I do know my brain decides to wake up at night.

Multiple times i’ve tried to become a morning person and it just isn’t working. I’m not sure why but my body just doesn’t want to handle early mornings. So instead of dwelling on that, I haven chosen to capitalize on the fact that I am a night owl.

And how do I do that? These 5 ways:

1. Get your tasks done at night.
   1. You might as well do your homework, read a book, write a list of stuff you want to accomplish the next day, and so on.
2. Prepare everything the night before.
   1. I get my lunch packed and my clothes out the night before so that I don’t have to think/worry about it in the morning. This has helped me so much!
3. Save the best for last.
   1. What I mean by this is that if there’s something you can do at night, then save it until then. You already know you’re going to be awake, right? And you already know you love this time of day. Save some of your favorite things for then!
4. Clean your house.
   1. This sounds so weird but i’m serious. I usually will clean my room at night or do other stuff around the house. Again…if you’re going to be awake??
5. Know that you can definitely use it to your advantage!

The thing is though, I think because I have to be at work at 7:00, i’m going to slowly turn myself into a morning person because I have noticed that (on those 3 days of the week). We’ll see about that.

I recently read an article that says people who stay up later are more intelligent. There’s hope for us yet, night owls!!! So what do you think you would describe yourself as? A morning person or a night owl?

10 Things I Wish I Would’ve Known Before College.

I’m currently typing this as a study break (Wednesday night) for my test this morning. What better topic to talk about as i’m studying for a college final right? Can I just tell you though, this class is HARD. And i’m scared i’m going to fail. And i’m about to just say my prayers, take a bath, and hope for the best because I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND Matrices, Vectors, and Linear Programming. I mean, fo’ real. Enough complaining though….i’ll be fine. Sigh. 😉

As the school year comes rolling around again (in a month and a half oh my gosh!) and i’m getting ready to take my sister to college (in a month oh my gosh!), I can’t help but think about my time in college. Like freshman move-in day below haha!

I feel like if I would have had someone sit me down and say “this is what you should know before you go to college” I would have listened. HAHA…okay probably not. I was 18 years old about to move 3 hours north of home and I was not about to listen to anyone tell me about life. I knew how it was going to go…you hear everyone talk about how much of a party college is and you meet all your bridesmaids and on and on. Now, my experience may be different than other people’s, but here’s what I would say to my sister before she leaves in August (again, oh my gosh!):

1. Don’t have expectations.
   • I went into college with a ton of expectations. Just from things I heard from other people who had already been in college, on TV, in movies, and whatever other source I got it from. When my expectations weren’t met, I felt like my college experience wasn’t normal. And then I was let down.
2. Your body WILL change.
   • Good Lord…this has been a big one for me. There’s the whole freshman 15 and what not, I know. However, I think that it’s really just the fact that you’re getting older and your body is changing. If you drink every weekend all weekend yes, you’ll probably gain some weight. But we all age and our bodies all change. There’s so much stress that college kids take on when it comes to this topic.
3. Leaving your family will be hard.
   • Look, you’ve grown up with and seen the same people for 18 years of your life. That’s a LONG time. That’s your entire existence at this point. I guess I didn’t expect how much that was going to change my life when I went to college. It’s not like you don’t see them ever again, but there’s no more being able to walk downstairs if you need some social interaction. Or just having those people around you that you can do and say whatever and they’ll just love you regardless. They are your safety blanket.
4. Life is expensive.
   • Maybe you were lucky enough to have mom and dad pay for your tuition. But one day you’ll realize life. is. expensive. Taco bell runs add up. That coffee you’ve become addicted to? Yep, adds up! Sorority dues take your entire life savings. One book costs your entire minimum wage paying paycheck. And then you realize mom and dad were right…you do need to study hard and get a good education so you can pay for things.
5. Stay connected in God’s word.
   • Looking back now I really wish I would have been better about this. There’s just a sense of calm and peace that you feel when you’re constantly spending time with God and talking to Him. I wish I could explain it. I just learned so much when I was actually doing this. There’s certain moments when all you can do is pray. So just pray!
6. Say yes.
   • Say yes to those 10:00am McAlister runs…even if you aren’t hungry. Go for the fellowship. You never know what kind of friendship might form when you spend that extra time laughing and talking with other people. Say yes to going to the gym, not only is it good for your physical and mental health – there’s usually some good looking guys there too 😉
7. Say no.
   • Sometimes I think people are scared to say no. I had girls in the sorority house with me that would be invited to do things and then would just complain about it afterwards because they didn’t want to go. Say no. Saying no once or twice isn’t going to cause people to stop asking you to do things.
8. You’re starting over.
   • You may know a few people in this new town, but in essence you’re starting over. You have to find the short-cuts in a new town. You having to figure out where the cops sit. You have to meet new people. You have to learn how to deal with school, extra-curricular activities, other people, priorities, appointments, and so on.
9. It’s okay to transfer.
   • When I was at The University of Oklahoma I don’t think I was ever truly happy. Did I have fun weekends? Absolutely. Did I meet some cool people? Absolutely. Do I still cheer for my Sooners? Absolutely. But I wasn’t happy like other people were. I enjoyed coming home more than being there. I didn’t think it was okay to transfer. I thought people would think bad things about me and talk about me. Yes, I realize how childish that sounds now…but I think it happens to a lot of us. Turns out, transferring back home was the best thing I could have done for myself. You shouldn’t make yourself miserable to please others.
10. It is hard…but you’re 4 years from being done.
    1. College is hard. They forget to tell you that when they’re talking about the totally rad frat parties going on every Thursday, Friday, Saturday (and Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday) nights. You’ve got professors you can’t understand. You’ve got a full-time school schedule you’ve got to plan out and take tests for, write papers for, and memorize non-sense for. You don’t get to the fun stuff that pertains to anything you care about until Junior and Senior year. But look, for most of us – four years from being done with school foreevvveerrrr. And for that reason…STUDY so it doesn’t take longer!

Cheers to that!!!

Okay, so tell me…what would you add to this list if it was yours? What would you take off this list if it was yours??

What 1 Year Can Do.

Because the little things become big things, right?

This time a year ago I was at my uncle’s 60th birthday party because I was scared to be without my mom for a weekend.

 

Now, i’m gone pretty much 75% of the day.

A year (and a half) ago I had 1 1/2 slices of this pizza and didn’t eat the rest of the day because I felt so guilty about it.

Now, i’m eating two packages of peanut butter crackers after my bowl of fruit after dinner because for some strange reason i’m still hungry….or i’m eating half of this pizza to myself.

This time last year I wasn’t working out at all. (haha at the picture right?)

Now, i’m working out about 6 days a week. Even if it’s a light work-out.

This time last year I wouldn’t get out of my house to hang out with friends.

 

Now, I see at least one of them every weekend.

This time last year I was just getting back into the swing of waiting tables all week, of which I was very anxious to do.

Now, i’m working in corporate America in the field I want to go into when I graduate college.

This time last year, I was very disconnected from God.

Now, I never miss a Sunday at Church, and i’m making an effort to spend time with Him every day.

This time last year I worried and fretted…? because I knew i’d have to make a decision about not wanting to go back to OU, or transfer to UNT or UTD. Of neither I wanted to pick.

Now, i’m one to one and a half years away from graduating from UTD.

This time last year I kept all of my “issues” a secret.

Now, i’ve been vulnerable and dedicated a page on my blog for them.

And this time last year, I wasn’t blogging.

Now, y’all aren’t getting rid of me 😉

And i’m sure this time last year God was looking down on me thinking I was going to write this post today, because He knew the plans He had for me. Like He says in Jeremiah 29:11. I’m living proof that change {for the better} does happen. It may seem like it takes forever, and sometimes it might. But brighter days will come. Whatever you may be battling or struggling with right now, just know it won’t last forever.

Colors of Life: Depression

Heavy topic today. Bare with me here, y’all. I’ve got to give you a little background before we dive in.

A couple years ago I was at the University of Oklahoma. Fresh out of high school and I could smell the sweet, sweet freedom I just knew college would bring me. I won’t go into too much detail about that, because I already did in my OU post. Needless to say, I was EXCITED to be “living on my own” quotes because dorms are not necessarily on your own. But I had fun….I think just about anyone that went to college could probably agree that your freshman year is the most fun of the four. New people, new beginnings, new places, new atmosphere, new city. Everything is new. You’ve been living in your parent’s house for 18 years and you’re super super smart and mature. I don’t know if you’re aware, but when you’re 18 years old and you’ve just graduated high school you’ve basically mastered life.

I moved into the dorms and partied. I’ll just put that out there now. Because duh. You went out Thursday – Sunday. But then, after 1 seamster of doing that I was over it. I didn’t get the same excitement going out every weekend as some people did. I was kind of thinking then that maybe things were a little off. Going to college I was under the impression that everyone is single, you’re friends with your entire hall, your roommate is going to be your best friend and be a bridesmaid, partying is fun, your sorority is the best thing in the world, etc. etc. I kept thinking I didn’t know what to expect, but in the back of my mind I had all of these expectations of what was about to take place that 2012-2013 school year.

Disclaimer: These are my experiences. I’m absolutely not trying to tell anyone how their college experience is going to be. These are all my own opinions.

My first semester was fun and I was thinking “eh, okay i’d go back for the Spring.” That spring there was just something different. Football games weren’t every weekend, studying was a lot more common, and people partied but it just wasn’t the same. I started seeing more of the reality of college that semester. My freshman roommate was cool, but her and I could both agree we weren’t besties. The financials of the sorority began to hit my bank account. And I started going home every three weeks to get my laundry done and keep up with some of those appointments I was telling you about.

That summer I came home and I had some discussions with my parents about how OU was okay, but I didn’t know if I really liked it all that much. We continued to talk and we basically came to the conclusion that the Fall of 2013 was going to be a lot better because I would be in the sorority house, which would force my introverted self to have conversations with people walking by, girls across the hall, and sitting in the dining room. I talked it up to myself to make me excited about that semester.

Back I went in July for sorority recruitment and I really liked it. My roommate and I weren’t that close, but we got along. They had all of us doing exercises during recruitment that forced us to get to know one another and there were some girls that I really liked. I was ready for this next year! Rush came and it was a blast! We got a new pledge class, met some girls who could be our littles and hung out together. I remember one girl in my pledge class, Natalie, came in my room at the sorority house and was telling me about where she grew up. She was always so friendly and when she left my room that night I thought to myself “Wow, this is going to be fun!” I NEVER in my life would have imagined myself living with a bunch of girls but here I was.

The semester went on and we all began to get bogged down with homework, projects, test, etc. There wasn’t as much comrodery and I spent more time in office hours and studying than I did in my room. Sophomore year is hard classwork wise! It really is. When I came back to the house for my short 30 minute lunch I needed time to relax from class so I generally ate in my room and watched some tv. Then i’d leave until about 5. I was exhausted from class that the last thing I wanted to do was socialize. I’m an introvert, remember?  As per the unsocializing usual, I didn’t make all these friends I was expecting to make when I moved into the house. I felt like I didn’t have friends, my classes were hard, I was grossed out by our dirty sorority house, my roommate and I were butting heads, and then started that little thing I talked about a couple weeks ago: my eating disorder.

I went home many weekends that semester and after my annual with my OBGYN she found an issue with my Thyroid levels. So I started having to go home a lot more. And I went home. And I went home. I was gone from Thursdays-Mondays. I began spending more time away from my sorority house and everything else that I was so upset about. One weekend I came home and cried the entire time because I knew I would have to go back. Honestly y’all…I can’t tell you how miserable and how long those few months were for me. And that feeling is the reason that I am writing this post. So that anyone in that position I was in knows someone else was there and they’ve come out on the other side.

Finally….that seamster was over!!!! After figuring out all of my health issues that semester: I was seeing 3 different endocrinologists, my gynecologist, my general practitioner, my dermatologist (I had acutane follow ups), and my gastroenterologist for my constipation issues. Oh, I was so happy when July 2013-December 2013 was O.V.E.R. I was able to talk with the lady in charge of housing through my sorority about my health issues and with my gastroenterologist’s help I was out of my housing contract through the sorority and I moved into an apartment that I could have my own bathroom. We decided this would be best for me because I had constipation and then diharrea and it’s hard when you share a bathroom with about 21 other girls. It’s embarrassing, too.

So January 2014 I decided to move into my own apartment with a couple of other girls in my sorority. Whoooo, this was going to be so. much. better. My mom and brother drove to Norman with me to help move my things from the sorority house to the apartment. And that Sunday afternoon (1/12/14) we moved and packed and hung and cleaned. While we were taking my stuff into my apartment I remember this heavy feeling of fear set in and I sat in our car and began to cry. My mom came out, we talked, she told me things would be okay and we continued to move me in. That should’ve been a sign for me right then because I do not cry. Anytime ever. But I did that day. Mom and brother stayed with me that night and dropped me off at my first class at 8:30 that monday the 13th. And I teared up. I was nervous for that class but I got through it and was home by 1:30. And then I sat there…in this empty apartment all alone in this city by myself. And it was weird.

I called my mom crying because I didn’t want to be there. The next day I got up and didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to think about what was ahead of me. I didn’t have class that day so I had the entire day to just think. I called my mom again and she told me to just clean my room, do some stuff for my online class, and things to keep my busy. I was in the middle of hanging my clothes in my closet and before you could snap your fingers I started shaking, I started breathing really fast, and tears filled my eyes. This my friends, was just the beginning of a long week of panic attacks. And then it was Wednesday and finally Thursday. I was going home that weekend and I was so excited when Thursday hit.

I had an interview that Thursday morning and I was really excited about it at first, but then as I got on the highway this intense heavy feeling of scared and fear hit me again. On the way to an interview. Afterwards I went home because I was planning to have friends come over that night and we were going to go out to the bars. We went out and when I got home I called my mom that (after the 3rd time) that day crying about not wanting to be there. Can you imagine anything like that? I went home and was a wreck that weekend. My mom couldn’t leave the room without me worrying, I was stressing about having to go back to school, I slept in my parents bed with my mom, and so on. I was 20 years old and never before in my life had I been so dependent.

Every time I thought about going back to school i’d get a lump in my throat and couldn’t talk. I’ve been going to therapy now for 14 months. Depression comes in many different shapes and forms. Depression can be a lifelong battle for some and i’m here to say that it really is horrible. I just want to hug anyone who is struggling with it.

Most people my age look at me funny when I say i’m living at home but I couldn’t be happier. I love my family, i’m healthy again, we’ve figured out all of my issues, i’ve got good friends, and I made it to the other side of this. Not to mention the free housing and food 😉 Just do you, my friends. And you’ll be happy.

I recently had a friend reach out to me about this and i’d be so happy to talk to anyone else going through something similar because I know at least one person reading this knows what i’m talking about…. colorsoflifeblog@gmail.com

This sits right next to my sink to look at every morning 🙂

It’s the Little Things in Life.

Mornings are the worst. I’m sorry. I’m still working on becoming a morning person, but it’s not going as smoothly as I was hoping. Especially when everyone is on spring break except for me! Here’s to hoping that your Wednesday morning goes smooth. Yesterday when I talked about anxiety, I mentioned having little things in life that make you happy, and today i’m going to share with you mine!

Starbucks

I never thought I was going to be the one to jump on the Starbucks bandwagon. I never went to Starbucks when I was younger and didn’t even like any of their drinks. I would have chosen homemade hot chocolate over theirs. And lately my coffee of choice was from McCafe. However, now that I am working I have found myself wanting needing coffee every morning. Because McCafe doesn’t accommodate the lactose intolerant out there (I asked in the drive through one day if I could bring my own soy milk and they declined) I’ve been having to switch to Starbucks for the soy milk. Now it’s growing on me and i’ve had to take selfies to send to the fam every time i’ve gone. It happens.

Holidays/Family Time

My favorite time is family time and I could not be more blessed with the family I got. They’re weird, nerdy, and goofy but hey you’re stuck with what you got 😉 Just kidding, I wouldn’t trade them for anything! I love that family comes to our house for the holidays and it is always sad to say bye to them. But it is fun when it’s just the Middleton 6 again. More often than not we get annoyed and frustrated with one another, but we’ll forever be a team.

Pizza and Nails

A couple weeks ago my sister and I went to the nail salon together to get manicures. It was a random thought one night and five minutes later we went. She had to wait a little bit for hers, but it was fun to get that quality time in with her because we don’t always get to do that. And later that night, I got the gluten free vegetarian pizza from papa murphy’s with my own cheese. YUM! Spontaneous sister hang outs being pampered with food is never a bad idea.

Cheap gas

Seriously, nothing makes anyone more happy then filling their gas tank up for less than $24. The other day my mom got her tank filled up for under $18 because she got it for $0.97 a gallon. I never thought i’d live to see the day. I think I need to call the book of world records for this one. (I know it’s gone up now, but it’s the little things in life, right?)

Netflix

And right now my go-to thing is laying in bed and watching Netflix for an inhumane amount of time. And this will be very common in my near future as I am a free woman next week!!! Thank you spring break. I’ve finished Hart of Dixie, Parenthood, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Gilmore girls, and now i’m at a loss of what to watch. Lately, i’ve been watching Friends for a little no-brainer entertainment during classes. But I want something emotional that I can get invested into. You know what i’m saying???

Going on a walk

My thing lately is taking walks. I’m kind of in a season right now where i’m not running much these days. It could be due to my knee problems or just the fact that I got a little tired of it. But walking is a good way to get some fresh air, blast your music, and let your mind wander on whatever you need to get done, whatever is bothering you, or whatever you need extra time to focus on. Walking is such a simple thing that can probably impact you more than you think.

A good book

When I was younger I hated reading. I did anything I possibly could not to read. I could never remember anything I read, and it was just frustrating. I started doing bad in school, and then got upset about that and my attitude towards everything just went downhill. I’m on ADD medicine that I take only when I need to, which helps with my focusing. But when you have a good book it’s so much easier to read. In a couple weeks, i’ll show you what i’ve been reading and what I thought about them!

Colors of Life: Anxiety

Okay, if you have bad anxiety or anxiety in general, I am so so sorry! I actually never thought I had anxiety until I was told that I did. I grew up thinking that we were suppose to solve all our own problems. My parents are both very strong mentally and so I always thought that whatever happens to me I have to work out on my own. Little did I know, that’s not always the case. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing (obviously) i’m just saying it doesn’t have to be like that all the time.

At Oklahoma, I remember having moments of complete panic where I would start shaking, breathing really heavy, and all I wanted to do was pull my hair out. Or slap myself in the face. Or cry. Or punch of wall. Just these extreme emotions and feelings. I couldn’t “snap” myself out of it and I wasn’t able to focus on anything else. I won’t go too much into that, but that last week in Norman (January of last year) was the worst week of my life to date. I had terrible anxiety and panic attacks multiple times a day.

Fear consumes maaaany people. Each day you wake up, you probably have some fear driven thought and if not when you wake up then at some point throughout the day. Again, everyone isn’t the same so i’m not generalizing the human population here. It could be: “What am I going to do today?” “How am I going to make money for my family?” “What college am I going to?” “I do not want to go to work and see those people.” “How am I going to do on this test?” “Will my mom or dad come home safely today?” Whatever your fearful thought is, we’ve all had them.

Now, if you’re saying: “I never live in fear.” I’d have to disagree. You may not think you do but look…while others are aware of their fears and fearful thoughts, many people try to avoid those fearful thoughts. Why? Because who wants to think about something that they fear? Nobody. This is where anxiety comes in to play.

If I have learned anything throughout my past year’s experience it is that when you rely on Jesus somehow your fears don’t seem as big. Jesus is bigger than any fear we can have. I can say this all day long, but the fact of the matter is that when you know Him, you know it.

Anxiety can be many things…

It can be fear. It can be stress. It can be nervousness. It can be a cloud hanging over your head. It IS mentally painful. It can be whatever, and it can come in many different forms. Anxiety is serious and it kills people.

I personally think this particular scene (if you’re a Bachelor watcher) was pathetic. And I think examples like this are how anxiety and panic attacks get such a bad rap in today’s society.

This little stunt pulled by Kelsey that she called “a panic attack” is not what happens. You don’t fall to the floor (maybe some people have, but that’s not what i’m talking about.)

7 tips for anxiety:

1. Get Bath and Body Works Stress Relief (Eucalyptus Spearmint) lotion or mist or whichever you prefer. Spray it if you need it! In all honesty, eucalyptus is a natural calming ingredient.

2. Pray!! Seriously, when you’re in the moment that’s the last thing you’d probably ever think to do. But really and truly God heals all wounds.

3. Talk to a therapist! Y’all, they are trained in these areas. They went to school and learned how to help people like us. Therapists will show you how to think differently and help you see how it may not make sense that you went from this thought to that thought. Anxiety comes from irrational thoughts.

4. It’s NOT YOUR fault! I remember thinking that it was all my fault I was having panic attacks and crying and calling my mom (as a 20 year old). I thought what could I possibly be doing that is making me feel this way?!

5. Know that you will get through it!

6. Take control. Don’t let it control you. Do what you have to do about your anxiety, but just know that if you don’t do anything it won’t get better. Don’t ignore your anxiety.

7. Find your “little things in life”. Find things that make you want to keep on keepin’ on. I’ll share mine with you tomorrow. 🙂

If you’re reading this and you know exactly what i’m talking about because you’ve been there or know someone who has/is there. I’m praying for you. Just know that God sees you! You are not invisible. We’ll lighten it up tomorrow. XOXO

Undeniably Connected.

Hello 🙂

Sorry I missed you yesterday. I was feeling sick Sunday and ended up falling asleep at 7pm, therefore did not get my post finished and posted. But have no fear, i’m back today 😉 I know you were pretty worried, am I right? Haha

It’s no secret that I love Church, and Sundays, and going to Church on Sundays. However, I normally don’t post about sermons and all of that because most people have their own Church that they attend, or hear other sermons, or really don’t want to read a sermon as a blog post. But today is different, I do want to share about my sermon from last Sunday, called “producing” (it’s part of a three week series).

John 15:5 “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”

We should all be living a life undeniably connected to Jesus.

The main thing I took away from the message is this line our pastor said: “If your life makes sense to other people, you’re not undeniably connected to Jesus.” And I thought about it and three things immediately went through my head: what can I be doing differently? How can I change this in my life? and I wonder if I smell bad? (’cause I came straight from yoga). Whooops. But instead of focusing on that last one, we’ll talk about those first two. I kept thing about that statement the rest of the sermon, and just couldn’t figure it out.

On the way home it was just my dad and I. We were talking and my dad said “Did you listen to the sermon today?” And i’m like, “What are you talking about? Duh. I take notes every week. Did YOU listen????” and he said, “Molly, he was talking about you.” And I was all…what? He was talking about me in a sermon to everyone else?? I thought about it. I still didn’t make the connection. He said… You’ve told me multiple times “Oh, i’m the loser that’s sitting at home with her parents on a Friday night.” I said yeah. He said, you’ve told me multiple times “I never wanted to go out and party all weekend every weekend even at OU.” I said yeah. He said, you’ve told me multiple times “I never understand why some choose to “hook up” with random people just because they can.” I said yeah. And then He said, and you’ve told me before “I still don’t understand how I was brought home, back from OU, in the middle of a bad season in my life, and feel guilty about it.” (those weren’t his exact words, but that was his gist). And I said yeah.

I AM the one that’s pretty much home in bed early on Friday and Saturday nights. I am the one that can go out and have a good time if I want to with my friends, but not get wasted every weekend. I am the one that’s had one serious relationship, and that’s about it. I am the one that came home from college, embarrassed by my decision because I didn’t love being away, and now cannot thank God enough for guiding me home. I am the one that blogs, when i’ve been told how weird it is. I am the one that started working in corporate america at the age of 20.

My life and my decisions sometimes don’t make sense to anyone else in my stage of life. I thought it was something to be embarrassed about. I’m wondering what is wrong with me for being do different than the normal of my age group? But what is normal????? Little do I know, maybe after all I am undeniably connected to Jesus. How awesome is that?

We should all be living a life undeniably connected to Jesus.

Sometimes God uses other people to speak to us, and Sunday it was my pops. My ol’ man. Thanks dad, for making me see things that I can be blind too. And pastor McKinzie, if somehow someway you’re reading this….I do listen to you!

If you have a chance you should watch the sermon i’m talking about! Check it out here.

Colors of Life: Eating Disorders

It’s taken a lot of prayer for me to finally build up the courage to even start drafting this “Color of Life”, much less post it. And i’m still nervous about it. I’ve had this post completed for quite a while now, but I just couldn’t find the nerve to press “publish”.

I’ve cancelled today’s regularly scheduled program because i’ve recently read a couple blog posts semi-relating to this topic and felt I was being called to share my thoughts/experiences. Class will probably run long this morning, so I hope you’ve got your favorite cup of coffee in hand. 😉

As you may have previously read in one of my different colors of life posts, I had a very rough time between my high school graduation (Spring of 2012) and now (Fall of 2014). Graduating, moving away, going to school, dealing with sickness, figuring out college, figuring out yourself, figuring out your life. I don’t think college kids get enough credit. It’s a huge change in a tiny amount of time. However, one of the biggest difficulties was this little gigantic thing called an eating disorder.

Let’s travel back to the beginning. I weighed about 103 pounds all during high school when I was playing volleyball. When season ended, I remember weighing around 105/106 pounds. I didn’t really weigh myself much back then. I wasn’t in sports anymore and I was put on birth control for my acutane, so it was to be expected that I put on 2/3 pounds. This is obviously what I should have weighed and what was comfortable for me because I look normal and healthy.

I went off to school that fall. When I came back home for Thanksgiving break my freshman year at OU, I was anywhere from about 113-115 pounds. For some of you this is an ideal weight, however this felt HUGE to me. That’s 10 pounds more than I ever was, and i’ll just let you know 5’2 girls don’t have much room for the weight to go. I attributed it to the freshman 15, but there were girls I knew that lost weight…and I was envious. These Christmas card pictures below were taken over Thanksgiving, and you can tell I filled in. My family said so too, so I wasn’t oblivious to the fact. My face rounded, my pants got tight, my stomach bulged and this started what began to be an extremely long battle with me, myself and I.

I stayed pretty much that weight my entire first year. However, during spring break I decided to start eating what my mom did and when my mom did. I called it the “Debbie doo” diet (that’s my dad’s nickname for her). I figured i’d do this because she and I have the same body shape, are the same height. I know that she, unlike me at that moment in time, had self control with food & I could learn something from her…I always left a happy plate, no leftovers, food COULD NOT be wasted! But when I got on this “diet” I would be hungry sometimes, but I “couldn’t eat” unless my mom did so i’d have to tell myself to hold off a little longer. Thus I figured out how you can control hunger with your mind.

This was a concert I went to over Spring break and I think I was back down around 109/110. I remember feeling happier with myself.

Notice I don’t look that much different, yet I “am happier with myself”. The summer following I did fine, nothing stood out to me about my eating, I still managed to eat around the same time my mom did.

Time went by and I headed back to Norman in July of 2013 for my second year. My health issues began acting up a lot and I was never feeling good, I was miserable and I started experimenting with my food while at the sorority house. *Revert back to me realizing how my mind could control food.* One thing led to another and by Fall of 2013 I weighed 93 pounds. You guys, A DOUBLE ZERO PETITE WAS TOO BIG ON ME.

I know it’s not as dramatic as what you see about eating disorders because of my body type, i’m a naturally small person. But listen, that is a ridiculously short amount of time to drop close to 15-20 pounds. That is unhealthy and bad for your heart and body in general. I did not realize this until afterwards (aka now), but at the time I did not care. I thought I was just loving life at this point! It may have started with my health issues, but I let those health issues spiral into an obsession that controlled me.

What was it like?

• I don’t remember EVER finishing a plate of food. There always had to be something on there when I threw the plate away.
• I weighed myself every time I ate, went to the bathroom, walked by the bathroom, woke up, went to bed, and thought about it. Yes, I meant it when I said controlling.
• My hair fell out. I would run my hands through my hair and i’d have a chunk in it. It’s like what you see in the movies with cancer patients.
• I only had one cup of coffee in the morning and ate at 11:30-11:45. and at 5:30-5:45. If my stomach was growling between any of those times it was too bad because those were the times I allotted myself.
• Instead of meals, I might go get ice-cream for my meal…but it had to be the mini size. (Before I realized I couldn’t have lactose)
• I looked at myself in the mirror at all angles more than I even looked at my phone.
• I loved the way I looked, but can I just tell you that so many people said “Wow, you’re so tiny.” I thought it was so flattering, but what they really meant was “You look like shit. Go eat.”
• I was in a different world then.
• I was so irritable….duh? I was hungry all the time!
• It was DOWN RIGHT MISERABLE.

PEOPLE….I googled the symptoms of an eating disorder and I matched every. single. one. and I still would not admit defeat to this disease. In my Health and Disease class at OU we were responsible for calculating our BMI and I was “underweight”…still wouldn’t admit defeat. What would it take?!

I finally came to terms with my eating disorder in February of 2014. I was having a hard day even after I moved home from OU. My mother and I were sitting around talking about it. She listened to me cry about who knows what and I finally looked at her and said “Mom, I think I have an eating disorder.” She said “I know, I already knew that.” We talked about it, I got help, and you know what? I’m back to about 106-108 pounds now. I’m being healthy about the way I eat, the way I exercise, the way I look at myself in the mirror, everything.

Don’t get me wrong…sometimes I still look in the mirror and think bad things. Sometimes I google calories when i’m going out to eat. Sometimes I get pissed off when my backside can’t fit into a size 0 in ALL pants, even when I am in most brands. I think i’ll always be contientious about these things, but the difference is that when i’m having all these thoughts I know it’s not God. God made me Molly Middleton. Perfect in HIS own eyes.

What’s my point?

• It is so, so unhealthy for your body in an extremely high amount of ways.
• It’s a disease, not something people choose.
• People with eating disorders are not freaks, they’re normal people. (I used to think this)
• There are many women and men who have eating disorders and don’t know it.
• There are many men and women who have eating disorders, know it, and are not getting help.
• There are many people who know of someone who have eating disorders and don’t know what to do about it.
• Just because you’ve seen someone eat doesn’t mean they do not have an eating disorder. (I thought this a lot)
• I know about 6 people off the top of my head that I think need help.

I’m not proud of this experience, nor am I ashamed of. After all, it’s made me who I am today. Please, PLEASE if you are struggling with an eating disorder or you know of someone struggling with an eating disorder feel free to contact me. In fact, I encourage it. I do not take this issue lightly and I know what it’s like. You don’t need to tell me anything about your story, your name, or any details whatsoever if you don’t want to. I just want to pray for you. And I just want you to know someone is on your side. I’m no expert y’all, but if I can at least send 1 person to get help, or even talk to 1 person I will forever be thankful.

colorsoflifeblog@gmail.com

Don’t forget…God made you in His image. Genesis 1:26-27 tells us so.

Have a blessed day, y’all.

The University of Oklahoma

In honor of Oklahoma’s win over Texas saturday morning….BOOOOOOOMERRR!!!! I thought I would share with those new to the blog my OU story that I posted back on July 10th this summer. So, here goes.

3 years ago (wow…) I had what seemed like a big ol’ decision to make: What college do I attend? My original decision of 6 was between: Iowa State, Oklahoma State, Oklahoma, Baylor, Arkansas or Alabama. I got accepted to all of them so that didn’t narrow down my decision for me. The decision process took my entire senior year to make. Literally, I made my decision in April. And I was moving to wherever in July. Seriously….procrastination queen.

After some more time I decided to cross out OSU and Alabama because I had never visited and really had no intention of visiting. That wasn’t too hard of a decision. Why did I apply then?? Don’t know. I crossed out Arkansas because what seems like my entire town goes there and I wanted something new. Keep in mind this was 18 year-old never left home high schooler me. Then, it was down to my top 3: Iowa State, OU, and Baylor. This took me quite a while to decide. Side note…with my dad being in the military our family gets 4 free years of school. Hallelujah, right? That being said, I decided to cross Baylor off my list because if my dad decided not to give me all 4 years I was not about to pay that money for it. So then the BIIIIIIG decision: Iowa State or OU? ISU or OU, ISU or OU, OU or ISU, OU or ISU back and forth I went for months. Pros and cons to each, but I made my decision, from mainly one factor. Distance from my family.

Fast forward to July….i’m moving to Norman, Oklahoma. Two cars, my bear, and my naive self headed North on I-35.

  

I could tell you about my two years at OU but you’d be reading until your eyes fell out. Needless to say (i’ll keep it as brief as possible)…

I moved in,

I rushed,

I pledged a sorority,

I got my big,

And my little,

Moved into the sorority house,

Participated in the other side of rush,

Attended many football games (with OU/TX weekends involved),

Dressed up for a good amount of events,

Went to my fair share of date parties,

   

And came home very frequently (these pictures are a measurement because every time I came home mom and I would cook together…more on these recipes another time).

 

And yes, did the whole go to class thing too. But who takes pictures of that??

Fast forward again…to now. I am sitting in my house completing my application with a completed application to attend another school.

How did that happen? Well, ever since I was a junior in high school I had a multitude of health issues. I’m sure I will go into detail about that in another post because that’s definitely part of life’s colors. (Update: I did HERE) However, I still went to OU because I figured that while I was in Norman I could come home a couple weekends out of the semester to make my appointments and carry on with my life. Besides, I wanted to do my college thing! A lot of my appointments ended up becoming “We need you back in 2 weeks” and “Please come back in 6 weeks but a week before that you need to get blood work done” Mind you, at this point i’m seeing approximately 2-8 different kinds of doctor’s so I started coming back home often, hence all of the meals mom and I made together. The more I came back the more I missed home and hated leaving again. The more doctors I went to who couldn’t give me answers the more frustrated I became because I still wasn’t feeling well.

I have never been one to admit defeat easily so through the frustration, the waiting on answers, the missing home, the always feeling sick, I pushed through. I drove back to Norman every Monday morning when I didn’t want to after a weekend at home. I went to class every day when I felt so sick that I didn’t want to get out of bed. However, after semesters of pushing myself and putting up a “front” when all I really wanted to do was curl up into a ball and hide. I got extremely tired of it and couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t be the Molly that most people know. And you really don’t get it until you’re put in this situation, so i’m sure it was “sketchy” to my friends that I was gone all the time.

My parents and I spent maaaaaaaany late nights awake talking. I didn’t want to come home because I felt like I would be a failure if I did, kind of like I quit school. What would people think of me? What would I do if I came home? Everything was so unknown. I didn’t want to stay there because it brought back all the memories of how awful I felt all the time and besides that, I WAS feeling awful all the time. And I was just plain tired of driving home for appointments.

My mom said something to me during one of the late night conversations that has still stuck in my head: “Molly, everyone takes different paths throughout life to get to the same end result.” That result being a college diploma. After I heard her say that I realized if I came home and transferred somewhere else I wouldn’t be a failure.

I decided to come home. And it was STILL difficult for me to do so.

On Tuesday (this past July) my mom, sister, and I drove to Norman (ladder in tow) to move the rest of my stuff back home.

And we did just that. We got my stuff, grabbed some lunch, said our goodbyes to Norman and we were heading home. I said farewell to my home of 2 years and shut that chapter of my book closed.

I have no clue what my entire future has in store for me, but I do know that I am getting my diploma. My decision to transfer has nothing to do with the school. It was just my decision and what was best for me. OU was a path that I chose to travel that didn’t work for me. So now I have to choose another path (TBA after I finish my application) that will take me to MY end result of a diploma. (UPDATE: I will be attending the University of Texas at Dallas this spring). The University of Oklahoma was 2 year experience that taught me about the Colors of Life. And now I am trusting Jesus to take care of the rest. But i’ll forever be a Sooner….and a Cyclone.

Life’s Color today is Crimson and Cream.
Be thankful for family always. Do what is best for you. Not everyone follows the same path. God always has a plan, so trust it. Don’t worry about what others might think.

Christmas Pictures

This is crazy early because fall has only just begun, so don’t hate me for this!!! But, in spirit of the first official day of fall (YAY!) i’m posting about Christmas Cards. Some of you may not want to think about it, but Christmas will be here before you know it. For us, we always try to get our Christmas pictures done with before Thanksgiving. I know, I know, it’s out of the spirit, but you’ll see why… Christmas pictures for our family is a MULTIPLE HOUR fiasco. We tell my brothers that we are taking Christmas pictures….cue the whining.

It takes a lot of prepping…boys want to look pretty.

Girls don’t want to be looking this creepy.

 

Most years we take the “school picture” photo. Do you remember in grade school they always make you tilt your head and lift you chin and you just look like a fool? Well, we do. And we like to make fun of it.

Or you get squinty eyes.

We have to use “back-drops” AKA dad holding a sheet and mid-picture drops it on our head.

And eventually, you will get there.

Merry Christmas from the Middletons 2010.

And the next year, you’ll wear different clothes.

You’ll always get someone goofing around.

You’ll get one you think is cute, but someone else hates.

You’ll get the family’s “typical picture.”

You’ll get some other random poses, and when looking at it you’ll wonder what the heck you were doing.

This specific year we thought it would be a good idea to incorporate our sports into the picture. SO we tried more poses.

And we finally get one.

Merry Christmas from the Middletons 2011.

The next year maybe the same-ish colors, but switch kids. We took these pictures when I was home for Thanksigiving break my freshman year at OU. My parents usually end up sending our Christmas card out waaay late, so this is when we finally decided on starting earlier in the year.

    

We always try different poses, different places, different angles, different lighting, etc. to make sure that we can get ONE that is acceptable.

 

Merry Christmas from the Middletons 2012.

And then when we procrastinate and don’t do it during Thanksgiving break, it’s too cold to go outside. This particular year we went with the military green and black for the boys.

“Really, we have to check the lighting in every angle of the house?”

This one was just too awkward and blurry…it happens.

This one just….no. We tried to go with the cute presents in front look, but it didn’t work. Rick looks gigantic with that present and Ryan looks goofy.

Personally, this was my favorite. It was cozy and casual.

Merry Christmas from the Middletons 2013.

And let me just tell you this. We have our Christmas cards. Well, they aren’t sent out, but they just have to be addressed for this year. YAY! No fuss, no hassle!! And we had them done in JULY!

We started with the generic pose.

And then I was taken out of the family for a shot. 😦

 

And we took different poses here as well.

 

And we took some just the kids. Don’t make fun of me!!! I know i’m short 🙂 

And some of just mom and dad.

Now I created a couple options for our Christmas cards. Mom and dad couldn’t agree (go figure) so dad’s sending out his and mom’s sending out hers. His and hers Christmas cards.

Merry Christmas from the Middletons 2014.

What we’ve learned from Christmas pics:

1. Start as early in the year as possible. If you are anything like our family when taking Christmas pictures, you will be so relieved when you’re done before the season, with one less thing to stress about.

2. Have everything prepared beforehand. Know where you are going, who is taking the pictures, what you’re wearing, what poses you want to do. It will just go so much more smooth when everyone has an understanding of what to expect. 

3. Look for clothes in your closet. We don’t want to purchase a bunch of new outfits for a snapshot picture that most everyone will throw away in two weeks. We use whatever we can find that we have in our closets, and if we need something else, we can go get it. Also why we start planning early!

4. Utilize Costco’s website. If you have never used Costco’s website and you are a member. USE IT! We take our own pictures, upload them to Costco’s website. And get 50 cards for $16.00 with tax (don’t quote me on that), envelopes and all. So cheap and they have many options for greeting cards.

5. If you have pictures from a summer vacation, use them. Our card this year is from our Orange Beach vacation back in July. And we’re done. We don’t have to worry about it, no whining males. It’s great. Plus it’s a little different than what we normally do.

6. Don’t be afraid of bribery. Tell your kids if we can get this picture done in an hour, we get can dessert tonight, or whatever your kids/family like! It works, and bribery can be key sometimes. My brothers are 13 and 15, and we bribe them still. Or maybe it’s just the male species….:)

Good luck, friends. I hope your Christmas cards turn out wonderful for 2014!!!!

Friendships

 Ah, this is such a true color of my life. I don’t know if it’s just the way kids are raised now, if it’s where I grew up, if it’s because i’m such an introvert, or whatever it could be. All I know is I have struggled so much with finding those real, authentic friendships.

I believe many people experience the same things I have, but maybe not everyone wants to admit it or even experience it in different ways than I do. Friends come and go. In the 4th grade I had a best friend steal my boyfriend, a friend call me “werewolf” because I had hairy arms and legs, and many arguments, hurtful words, and hurtful things done not just to me but to people I knew. I went through a nasty breakup with my boyfriend of 3 years. In college I tried finding close friends to click with, I joined a sorority, did everything I thought possible to make friends, and it just seemed to never work. I felt like I was trying waaaay harder than I should have. Now, I may have been pushing my friendships, but I have struggled with finding good friends for a lot of my life.

Instead of worrying about the friends lost, I want to show you these people below, these are the ones I am most grateful for. These are the people that through all of my health issues have still been my friends and were the ones who knew everything, but stayed my friends no matter what. It’s hard to say “no” when friends ask you to hang out with them. But when you have a thyroid condition and it’s a struggle to make it through the day/shift at work/class/ etc because of how exhausted you are, you need true friends who will just understand. When you feel terrible all the time and don’t know why, you just need someone there to text you or keep you company or say they are there for you.

Jonathong (don’t know how he got this nickname) and I have been friends for about 8 years now. He sent me this the other week:

With the text saying: “You are number 2.” Which is so true. We made fun of each other the rest of the way through middle school. In high school Jonathan’s family was zoned to a different school so we weren’t able to see each other as much but we would still meet to catch up. Jonathan has a huge heart; just the other day we were talking about gym memberships and after me saying how expensive they were he says “Well i’m going to buy you one.” In 7th grade, he bought me the 7th season of Gilmore girls for Christmas. I always see him put others before himself, which I personally think is a rare quality in males. We are always there for each other, aka he was there to be my homecoming date. And I was his prom date. And for that, find a friend just like this ol’ teddy bear Jonathan.

 EMILY. Emily and I were the typical high school best friends. We got in arguments about work, boys, and a couple other things. Who knows, but we always get over it. We’ve continued to be friends after not talking for a couple weeks. The two of us always have a good time together, she’s always fun to talk to, and fun to be around. Emily is the friend you always make fun of because she’s such a goof. I love this girl and our friendship. We have to work harder at our friendship because we live so far away from each other, but we do it because we are best friends. We both joined the same sorority at different schools, dated best friends, and are determined we will be sister-in-laws one day by our siblings. We have similarities and differences, but I think that’s why we are so compatible. And for that, find a friend just like Emily.

Oh Reeana Reeana Reeana. We are two of the goofiest, introverted, world-hating females you’ll ever meet. Kidding, we don’t hate the world we just like to complain to one another about how stupid some humans can be. You know, everyone does it. Reeana and I became friends in 7th grade through volleyball. We didn’t always talk all the time, but she’s the type of friend that you can pick up with a year later and nothing has changed. This is the most down-to-earth human you will ever meet. She’s got it all together and a wonderful, quirky sense of humor to go along. She started coming to my Church after they moved here and that was where most of our fun memories came from. I stayed at her house about every Saturday night and her family and I would go to Church the next morning, and get BBQ afterwards. I look up to Reeana in more ways than she knows, and for that, find a friend like Reeana.

These friends are my most recent friendships. I like that I can I look forward to my job because of these girls. Regardless of the fact that we are going separate ways for college this semester we will still be able to see each other during breaks, and for the ones that are staying for school we will see each other at work. So for that, find friends like Carli, Emily (different Emily), Maddie, and Paige.

Family. The most genuine of friendships. These are my 6 most favorite people in the world! Literally, in the world. I know technically family and friends are in different categories, but these people are my friends AND my family. And how can one be so lucky to get this? Let’s be real, they HAVE to be my friends. There’s just no way out of it.

Y’all know I can’t forget my main man here. G is a true friend. The kind that will make you smile, make you laugh, make you feel better, make you want to be just like him. This is the most wonderful person I know. I enjoy our weekly phone calls and I miss being so far away from him.

Life’s Color: Rainbow, because of all the different types of friends out there.

You find out who your friends are. Don’t settle for average. You shouldn’t have to change yourself for friends. Quality is better than quantity. Blood is thicker than water.

“Healthy” & Happy

So, the reason I decided to write this is because last Friday afternoon I went to one of my last doctor appointments for what I hope will be a loooooong time. Oh, happy happy day!

Here’s the lowdown…My junior year of high school I started having some gastrointestinal issues. It seemed like whatever I ate would make me nauseous or the opposite of that…you know. I told my mom and for a while we never did anything about it.  We thought maybe I had eaten something that was upsetting my stomach or drinking too much caffeine. I was on acutane for my face so we believed that could be upsetting my stomach. My mom is lactose sensitive, so at one point we did test me for that. We drove to a hospital an hour away for me to drink a liquid (which was disgusting) and blow into a machine thing that the nurse had for three hours during different intervals. Yes, it was as fun as it sounds. The test came back negative. Strike out. (Even though I am not lactose intolerant I have always been lactose sensitive and because I was giving up lactose to see if it made me feel any better I am basically lactose intolerant because I have tried to re-introduce lactose to my diet and my body does not handle it. Joy.)

Senior year comes around and while I was at a high school event in the cafeteria I was getting sharp stomach pains. A couple minutes later there goes Molly running out to the bathroom. Okay, embarrassing when you’re with a bunch of guys! Once it started controlling my life we decided that something needed to be done. We started to take matters into our own hands (mom grew up thinking doctor’s weren’t necessary—wait ’til she gets two more years down my life timeline). We decided we would try to eliminate gluten from my diet. My aunt is gluten intolerant and we knew this was beginning to become more common because they were finding gluten sickness in pigs and so on, so what the hay, right? (pun intended) While it helped for the most part I was still having episodes of nausea and the you know. Strike out.

Keep in mind these past two years I am still going to the doctor for my acutane and blood work as well as whatever other health issues strike up. I lived at doctor’s offices.

It’s now my freshman year of college and I am moving out on my own. Here I am in a new, unfamiliar town with my health okay on most days, but iffy on others. I was still on acutane up until November of my first semester so I had to go back frequently to get blood drawn and have my dermatologist check my skin. I even had to go home the day after this day:

Bid day. Which stunk because while all of the other girls were getting to know each other I wasn’t. The acutane caused my hair to get really dry with broken ends. So one weekend I went from this length:

To this length:

Not too much of a change I know, but me liked my long hair. Anyways, so while I was going back and forth with that freshman year I was still getting very sick. I vividly remember going to my big’s room in the sorority house to hang out with her. Her boyfriend called and asked her to pick him up and she was going to, so I decided I would go with her. I got out to the car and had to run back up to the restroom because of how sick I suddenly got. There were times that I had to lay in bed in my dorm room because I had no energy to do anything. I went to a minute clinic in Norman just to have them trying to give me a shot for allergies. Strike out.

We decided it was time to see a gastroenterologist. I shouldn’t be excited, but I was excited! Hoping that she could help save me from some of my embarrassment. The summer I came home after my first year of college I was put on a medicine called Linzess. This medicine is for IBS (Irritible Bowel Syndrome). The only thing she could come up with from constipation and episodes of diharrea was Linzess. For this medicine you are required to take it 30 minutes prior to eating and drinking every day and it helps to regulate your gastrointestinal tract. If you eat within the 30 minutes you will likely get bouts of diharrea. I would give you a little story time segment but you wouldn’t want to hear that. Needless to say, you don’t tempt this medicine no matter how hungry you are. My gastro also decided to have me get a colonoscopy to make sure I didn’t have a blockage or something of that sort. 19 years old and getting a colonoscopy…not very normal, but obviously i’m not very normal.

Slide into my sophomore year. I’m moving into the sorority house, living with about 100 girls. Within the first week i’m pretty sure about 30 of us got sick. During recruitment I had to go to the doctor for a sore throat and I came back with a double ear infection. After recruitment was over…again I had to go home. But this time to my OB-GYN for my absence of a menstrual cycle and I knew it wasn’t because I was pregnant. She did some blood work and found my thyroid levels were off. Strike out and I had a doctor appointment after this day, bid day:

Here we go to the Endocrinologist. First one I go to tells me I have a Hyperthyroid. Mom doesn’t really trust Endocrinologist for some reason so we go to a second one and he tells me that I have a Hyperthyroid that will be changing to Hypothyroid. What?? This one also had me do a radioactive iodine uptake. I had to swallow an iodine pill and they watched how my thyroid reacted to it which actually showed my thyroid was acting up. Mom and I weren’t really a fan of this guy so we decided to go to another Endocrinologist. This third one told me that I had a Hypothyroid. WHAT?! How do three different doctors tell you three different things?! Can you see how this can be very frustrating and we are only this far in the process? Now we go to yet another endocrinologist. This guy tells me that my thyroid is normal. A couple weeks later they test another round of blood (note: all of these thyroid tests are blood tests). It’s normal again. Mom says she’s done with these doctors. So we stop going. Strike out.

A couple months later and my hair is getting thinner and thinner. Most of the time I kept it in a ponytail or something. My mom was going to a hematologist for her low vitamin D. She asked him if it could be related to that and he said yes. So I came in for a doctor’s visit and guess what? More blood work. Because a hematologist specializes in diseases in the blood, he did just about every test known to man. I mean lyme’s disease, everything. Stool samples and blood. He also decided to do ultra-sounds of the thyroid, pelvis, abdomen, and heart.

All this later and we finally found that I am anemic (low iron), I have a bacteria in my stomach that eats away at my stomach lining, and my thyroid blood work is normal, but get this: My thyroid had an interesting shape in the ultra-sound and the doctor found a growth on my thyroid. To determine if the growth is benign or malignant I had to get a biopsy of my thyroid. HA. HA. HA. The biopsy showed I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. The doctor tells me there’s a 1% chance in females my age getting this. But guess what???? The hematologist sends us back to an endocrinologist. Not really a strike out this time.

I started thinking a while ago “God, why do you hate me???” Truth is, I think that all of this was just part of God’s plan for me honestly. And i’ll tell you why. The main reason being that it got me to admit some things to myself. I don’t think that I was truly happy at OU but I would never admit it. Somehow through all of this I was able to admit to myself that it wasn’t where I should be. I also say that I found who my real friends are. During all this, I can count on half of a hand the friends that I had who stayed my friends. There were numerous times I would be asked to do something with friends and never could or never felt up to it. People stopped asking me to do things and would get angry with me for always turning them down. Honestly though, how do you explain all of this to people? It’s kind of impossible, not believable, and to go through this story every time you talk to someone is a lot.

This last Friday I went to ANOTHER endocrinologist, but don’t worry, we like him! He decided to draw my blood again. What the heck right, my poor veins haven’t been poked enough as it is. He reiterated everything the other doctor told me about Hashimoto Thyroidits and has decided to put me on medication for it. I may be taking a lot of medication for stomach, iron, thyroid, etc. but the Lord is faithful and finally has given me an answer. I would really say that this whole 3-4 year experience taught me obedience. You’re frustration will be temporary because in the Lord’s timing you will have the answers you need. And if somehow we would not have caught this my thyroid would have destroyed itself. I was also told when I eat gluten my thyroid attacks it because of the Hashimoto’s, so that’s why I can’t eat gluten. Lucky me!

So all those hours spent at the doctor, paperwork filled out, frustration, prescriptions, blood drawn, etc. FINALLY paid off. July of 2014 is going down in my books.

I only went into so much detail to help those who have had similar issues. I have been there. I have done that. I feel for you. I just want whoever to know that if you have ever experienced anything of this nature, I genuinely feel for you and know that I am thinking of you. Don’t let your strike-outs stop you. Keep hittin’, you’ll get there.

Life’s Color today is Red.
(I say this because what I always think of is the blood-work done)
Be obedient to the Lord. Keep pushing through. Listen to your body. Lean on your family. You won’t always know why things happen. Praise Jesus through the storm.

Step.

I was gone from my house for 16 hours yesterday, so I didn’t have time to post. I struggled finding an idea for my blog yesterday, so I decided I would work on it when I had some downtime. As I was driving to babysit last night there was a storm coming in right overtop of me. I stopped my daydreaming to look around me (after my car started blowing) and bam! A tree hit me……..no just kidding, it was more like bam! I got the idea for my post.

The views that I saw reminded me of life, and here’s how…In front of me there will always be situations that require a decision. It can be a normal everyday situation or perhaps more of a life-changing situation. And there are always different paths to lead to the end result with every situation.

Okay, stay with me here; I have been awake since 6:30 (way too early for this night owl) and have been with energetic kiddos all day so if I’m not making sense, I’ll go ahead and blame it on that 😉 So….I’m going towards the stop light where the dead end will require me to take a right or a left, kind of looking like this picture below. It’s an iffy view in front of me, dark on one side, and bright on the other, a mix of both in front. What am I going to do?? Not being a huge fan of storms my first reaction is most likely to sit there in the midst of it all and hide in my trunk. I know, I know, I should probably come up with a better plan.

Whichever way I decide to turn will lead me down a particular path towards my end result, aka wherever i’m traveling to. If I choose to take a right from the direction I’m headed, the path will likely be brighter, less scary, and what in my mind I think will be easier because it looks farther away from the storm…like this:

If I choose to take a left, i’m probably thinking that my route will be darker, more scary, a harder drive, and directly into the storm…looking a little bit like this:

So like I said, I have a decision to make. I can choose to make the decision to go right into the brightness because I think it will be a lot more comfortable. Or, I can go left into the darker sky, but I might be less comfortable and more scared because I don’t know what’s coming at me. Usually like decisions in life’s situations.

What I may not realize is that turning right I probably think I am going away from the storm, but the storm could be heading that way right behind me, so am I really escaping the storm? If I choose to take a left I don’t know what is ahead of me, a tornado might appear and come straight down the highway right at my car or by the time I make it to the light (there was a lot of traffic) the storm will have moved north and completely miss me. I never know…but what I do know is that I can’t sit there watching the light turn in a stand still halt. First of all, I will definitely get honked at, but also I have to decide whether or not I am going to turn right or left. I have to make the step.

So, in a broader sense what I’m trying to say is that there can be scary and comforting things about taking “the left” or taking “the right” in each of life’s situations. Go with your gut. Don’t live life in a halt at the stoplight. I am very guilty of this. Speaking from experience, it will torment you. Do what you need to do. Take the left, take the right, but you have to turn! It’s a step toward your end result. The storm will pass, whichever direction you choose to go. It can’t rain forever. So just take the step through your storm to whatever direction or path you’re going to take.

One of my favorite quotes goes like this: “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step.”