So Long, Insecurity: Week 9

Happy St. Pat’s Day, my friends!

Today on the blog, it is our second to last meeting of online Bible study. If you have been participating, make sure to click here to see previous weeks. If you haven’t been participating, you always can. Buy the book by clicking the picture on my sidebar, and go through these weekly posts.

A Word From Beth:

“In this week’s discussion we can start moving the focus off our own insecurity. We will be thinking not just about how we experience triggers to insecurity but about other women and how we can help them deal with their triggers.

I’ll admit that when I invite women to share their vulnerabilities with each other, I’m suggesting something a little scary. Because let’s be honest: a struggling junior high girl who tells the popular girls that they make her feel insecure is, unfortunately, just asking for more of the same. But we’re not in junior high anymore, sisters (and praise the Lord for that!). In some ways, we’re all both the struggling girl and the popular girl. We all wrestle with insecurities, and we all (knowingly or not) do things that make others feel insecure. So let’s be open with each other and respond to that openness with support, respect, and honesty.”

Beth says: When I surveyed men about their take on women’s insecurities, one respondent said this:

“Most obvious is when women are around other women; they try to size each other up and look for reasons to not get along rather than to get along. They seem easily intimidated, whether by physical beauty, character status, or whatever makes them feel that the other woman has more going for her, and a barrier goes up. (pg. 275-276)

1. How do you respond to this take on female relationships? Has insecurity ever robbed you of what could have been a rich friendship with another woman? Has it affected the type of woman you befriend?

She says: I have to admit that there’s more than a snippet of truth to what this man says. We women do sometimes let barriers come between us-and that’s terrible shame. Let’s do our best to break the mold by taking a look at four things we can do to promote security among the women around us. First, we need to stop making comparisons.

Now read from “our constant propensity” to “give credit to someone else?” on pg. 279-280.

1. Talk about a time you fell victim to the “bad math” of insecurity (see pages 280-281). How can we correct our thinking when this happens?

Second, we need to start personalizing the other women. Read from “In order to nurse a rival mentality” to “in Jesus’ name.” (pg. 284, 286)

1. Have you ever felt your insecure or jealous feelings evaporate when something occurred that humanized your “rival”? What happened?

Third, we don’t trip another woman’s insecurity switch. Read from “We all have just enough meanness in us” to “build up our wounded selves at somebody else’s expense.” (pg. 288-289)

1. Tell someone else that you’re feeling insecure requires great vulnerability. How would you react if someone came to you with a situation like those described on pages 287-288 and humbly suggested that you were acting as a trigger? How could good friends or family members handle this?

The fourth way we can help others is to be examples of secure women. Read from “Most women will” to “because it’s as contagious to its counterpart” (pg. 290)

1. Who have been examples of secure women in your life? What impact have they had on you?

When we cultivate the kind of focus where we take our minds off ourselves and think of others first our perspective changes. Our culture tells us to major on the minors, to embrace the superficial and spend our time and energy worrying about ourselves. And guess what? That’s a prime recipe for insecurity. We have to find the way out. Read “Human nature dictates” to “you must lose yourself in something larger” on pg. 309-310 to see how Beth puts it in chapter 16.

1. Tell about a time when serving God or focusing on someone else freed you from the self-absorption of insecurity. Why do you think this happens?

The next section we will talk about today is the passage from Isaiah 58 that Beth quotes in chapter 16 (pg. 317-318). Before you read the verses, keep in mind the context. The Israelites were asking why God seemed not to hear them when they prayed. They held up their fasting as proof of their righteousness, but the Lord indicted them with their own actions. They patted themselves on the back because they went to the Temple, but otherwise they did as they pleased (v.3). They were oppressing their own workers, and even their days of fasting were ruined by quarrels and violence. They pretended to do the right things, but in reality, they were self-absorbed and superficial-and probably miserable as a result.

1. Read Isaiah 58: 6-11. What do verses 6-7 tell us about the attitude God wants us to have toward others?
2. According to verses 8-11, what will happen when we adjust our attitude outward instead of inward? What images are used to communicate the idea of renewal and refreshment?

There’s no question that the world benefits when we break free of our self-absorption and serve others. But the amazing thing is that we benefit as well. When we have a sense of purpose that goes beyond our own skin, we are renewed, refreshed, and satisfied.

As we think about moving our focus beyond ourselves, let’s look at some Scripture passages that address our relationships with other women. Keep your eyes open to ways we can build each other up and help each other find security.

1. Read Galatians 5:22-26. How does celebrating each person’s uniqueness help us avoid jealousy and unhealthy comparisons? What role does the Holy Spirit play in helping us accomplish this?
2. Read John 13:34-35. What is Jesus’ command here? What are some specific things that would happen if we followed it?
3. When we get caught up in insecurity, too often we depersonalize those who threaten us. How does loving someone keep us from viewing her only as a competitor?
4. Read Matthew 5:43-45. WH do you think we are commanded to pray for our enemies? How does the act of praying for them – or other people who just rub us the wrong way, threaten us, and trigger every possible security button – change us?

To wrap it all up:

We’ll never be healed of our self-centeredness until we are wounded irreparably with love for an aching world. Insecurity puts us in a prison of self-absorbtion, but when we reach out to others, those prison bars are shattered. Sharing the love of Christ will become life to us, bringing us renewal, perspective, and purpose. May we leave our superficiality behind and reap the benefits God will graciously bestow.

In your journal:

1. Think through your closest female relationships. What things do others do that trip your insecurity switch? Are there things you’re doing that likely trip other people’s triggers? What could you do to change?
2. Consider the questions from page 310. What is your passion? What do you want your life to be about? If you long for something that makes you feel fully alive and part of something specific God is doing for the greater good, ask Him to nurture that vision in you.

Assigned Reading: Chapter 17 and 18. As you’re reading in the book, underline what is jumping out at you, what you think is true, what surprises you, and what seems to be the most challenging. Maybe you highlight the answers to each of those questions in a different color.

Prayer Requests?

See y’all soon for our last week!

So Long, Insecurity: Week 5

Half way through Online Bible Study already?? That’s just crazy!

In prep for today’s discussion, we were all to read chapters 7, 8, and 9.

Chapter 7 consisted of stories from other females about their insecurities and how far it’s made them go in their lives. Chapter 9 was a prayer we all will individually looked at, so this week is going to focus on Chapter 8.

Again, I encourage everyone to participate, but if you do not comment at least journal these or talk about them one-on-one with someone!

1. Like I said, Chapter 7 was made up of stories from women letting insecurity creep in and control part of their lives. So which one stood out to you and why? Maybe you share here or journal about a time that insecurity got the best of you and you made a fool of yourself.
2. Did anyone find examples (from last weeks homework) of ways the media puts pressure on women? What did you find? And how did you react to it?

Now that we have looked at all the roots of insecurity this is where we start looking at the solutions and not so much the problems! This is the good part!! We probably now have a good idea of why we’re insecure, whether it’s because of one root or many intertwined ones. Chapter 7 shows us the ridiculous and destructive things insecurity can make us do, and those are things we want to stop! Next we’ll look at becoming secure women. Chapter 8 focuses on Proverbs 31:25. Surely you’ve heard it multiple times throughout your life. This verse addresses the worthy goal of dignity.

1. What images or people come to mind when you hear the word dignity? Who are some women that you know who fit the description? Is dignity a characteristic you asccoeit with yourself?

On pages 148-149 Beth writes: Insecurity is about losing our God-given dignity…Our enemy is hoping we’ll get caught in a pitiful cycle of reacting to a sudden rush of insecurity with foolishness, feeling even more insecure, acting even more foolish, and then feeling vastly more insecure. He wants us to keep digging ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole until we feel completely stuck in this miserable corkscrew of self-hated. Listen carefully: we can begin to break this cycle this very day…The cycle begins to break when even though we may still feel insecure, we make a deliberate choice to not act on that feeling.

1. How have you experienced this cycle? Have you been able to break it in th past? Do you think it’s possible to change?

On Pages 150-152 Beth shares some of her story about dealing with insecurity. In her words: “Healing hasn’t happened all at once for me-it has been more of a process. But I know that Christ has the power to set us free from anything-including insecurity. He doesn’t want us to stay stuck there; He wants to transform us so we can see the dignity we have in Him. Let’s unpack a few of the ideas we can find in the key verse this week of Proverbs 31:25:

She is clothed with strength and dignity.

On page 155 Beth writes:

I have come to a place where I’m willing to be transparent with my security, but I find great relief that human eyes have to see it through the filter-the clothing-of my God-given strength and dignity. I don’t have to stand before you or anybody else in total emotional nakedness. I have a scriptural covering that gives me the courage to expose my most personal self. When you and I are triggered to expose the most vulnerable, broken parts of ourselves through a rush of insecurity, we can train ourselves to immediately recite this truth to your souls: “It’s okay. I’m completely clothed.” An oddly, that very thought all by itself begins the healing. We are not nearly as likely to react with the same level of insecurity when we remember how well covered we are by God.

1. What does it mean to be clothed by God? How does this image help you as you think about putting yourself in vulnerable situations-maybe even this discussion group-where you could be revealing your weakness? (Maybe not to the group but either to yourself or someone else)

Proverbs 31:10 is often translated using the phrase “a virtuous woman.” But the Hebrew term for virtuous is also used to mean “mighty.” Word Biblical Commentary translates the phrase as “a woman of valor.” As we see in verse 25, the woman is described as being clothed with strength!

1. What women do you know who demonstrate might, strength, or valor? Can you think of an incident or season in your own life when those words described you?

***Surround yourself with these women!! Proverbs 13:20 comes to mind for me here.****

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines dignity as “the quality or set of being worthy, honored, or esteemed.” Psalm 8:5 says that God “crowned [humans] with glory and honor,” and here honor is derived from the same Hebrew term that means “dignity.” In other words, we are worthy, honored, and esteemed because God gave those qualities to us! We are His prized creation. When we’re faced with insecurity triggers, we can counter these lies with statements of truth. For example,

• God has made me worthy of respect.

• I’m completely clothed by God.

• I am strong in Christ.

• What others think of me is less important than what God says is true of me.

1. Which of these affirmations would be most helpful for you? How can you be intentional about incorporating them into your thinking? What others can you suggest?

You are clothes with dignity! You are worthy of honor and respect!

*Chapter 9 was written to give women an opportunity to ask God, in a time of heartfelt, focused prayer, to restore their dignity and deliver them from insecurity. Since the chapter is personal, one-on-one time with God, most of the content will be addressed in the “On Your Own” part.*

Re-read the part of page 162-163 from “Hear this at a yell…to thank Him in advance because you know that what you’ve asked is as good as done.”

1. How can we approach God with a request when we’re certain it’s in His will? What kind of freedom does this give us?

Now read 1 John 5:14-15 and John 15:7. What things can we know absolutely are in God’s will? How can you approach God with confidence as you move into this week of targeted prayer?

Another prayer God always answers is a request for Him to root out our pride. We talked earlier about what a big favor pride is in our insecurity. Why? Because a big ego makes us put ourselves front and center. We waste valuable time and energy wondering if we’re prettier or smarter or more accomplished that other people around us-and then dealing with the backlash when we come across someone who clearly outranks us in those areas. Everything becomes about us, and too often we can’t see past ourselves to notice the real hurt and needs around us. If we are willing to humble ourselves, God will help us change that attitude.

1. Read Philippians 2:1-4. What does the passage tell us about pride? In practical terms, what does humility look like?

Pride constricts our thinking. Humility expands it. Pride gives us tunnel vision so narrow we can barely see two inches in front of our faces. And, what’s worse, it sucks us dry of energy and compassion. Let’s be honest: constantly comparing ourselves with others is exhausting. That’s why the next passage is so great.

1. Read Matthew 11:28-30. What strikes you about Jesus’ example of humility? What kind of rest do you think Jesus is talking about here?

Beth writes: Jesus invites us to stop striving so hard. We can stop trying to get God to love us because of the things we do. We can stop seeking other people’s approval. We can stop competing in our own internal contests, trying to be the first or the best or the most popular. Those are the things that burden us and exhaust us. We don’t need to hold on to pride! We don’t have to complete because Jesus offers grace and rest when we follow Him. His love is conditional. The value He places on us as His beloved creation is unconditional. You don’t have to earn the right to have respect and dignity-He makes you worthy of it. Praise the Lord!!!!

In your journal:

1. Set aside time with Jesus this week to really talk to Him and pray. Ask him to speak into your life and encourage you with your walk towards security.
2. Re-read and pray through the prayer in Chapter 9. Make it personal and real. God will answer. I am reminded of one of my favorite verses here.
   Matthew 21:22 “Pray for anything and if you have faith you will receive it.”

Assigned Reading: Chapter 10. As you’re reading in the book, underline what is jumping out at you, what you think is true, what surprises you, and what seems to be the most challenging. Maybe you highlight the answers to each of those questions in a different color.

Prayer Requests?

Have a great Monday, y’all! And don’t forget Proverbs 31:25 this week.