So Long, Insecurity: Week 7

YOU GUYS!

I’m so angry this morning!!

I had this entire post already written Saturday night and I went to save it and it said “It couldn’t be saved”, so I copied and pasted it and tried to reload the page. Well, when I went to paste my post in another page…THERE WAS NOTHING TO PASTE. So this post that I spent hours on, literally, was completely gone. Now i’m all backed up since I didn’t get everything done yesterday that I want to.

Angry. This. Morning. Still. But i’ll get over it at some point or another.

Here’s a word from Beth this week:

I have a feeling some of you might not be thrilled to be here today. There are some tough things that we have to face about our own tendencies as women that frankly don’t make us look so good. It can be difficult to face head-on the ways our insecurity can damage relationships and hurt the people closest to us-husband, children, other family members, close friends. I won’t pretend this process is pleasant, but there’s no other way than to hold up the mirror and face reality. It’s time for us to be honest about how our fears sometimes jack the best relationships we have going for us – and then figure out how to change that.

We’re coming down the homestretch of this study, and the most encouraging, practical material is still ahead. I encourage you to press on. In the spirit of 2 Corinthians 8:11, “Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it.” Translation? Let’s finish strong!

Alright so here we go…

Let’s start by touching on some of the survey results shared in Ch.12. Based on the way the men responded to questions about how women exhibit insecurity, it’s lear that we’re not hiding our issues nearly as well as we think we are. Men see what we’re doing, and they’re not impressed.

1. What were some of the things men pointed out in women as signs of insecurity? Does this list seem accurate to you? What surprised you about the survey respondents’ perceptions?

Some of the men even expressed frustration about constantly having to reassure the women in their life. One husband wrote about his frustrations saying:

“Typical, common, widespread insecurities include looks, body shapes, lack of education or perceived intelligence, neediness, and many others. It manifests itself in nagging, self-doubt, self-loathing, seeking approval/validatoin, and the need for constant reassurance. It gets quite tiring of men who, as we get older, just love you for exactly the way you are. Can you not understand that? We are not lying when we tell you we love you, you’re beautiful, and we enjoy being with you. When women’s insecurities are vividly displayed to us, it turns us off, frustrates us to no extent, and perplexes us. Get over it!” Pg.236-237

1. How do you react to this statement? In what ways has insecurity affected your relationships with the men around you?

As we can see, men are repelled by open displays of female insecurities. In the long run, it doesn’t make them more tender to us, more careful with us, or more loving towards us. Not even more attached to us. It makes them, in the words of another guy, want to “run for their lives”. It may not be fair, but it is definitely a fact.

Read through on Pg. 237 from “after months of research….to women want to be with someone they can respect.”

1. How might your relationship with your significant other change if you were characterized by security and confidence? Does the prospect of healthier relationships provide you with additional motivations to deal with your insecurity?

Keep in mind the convictions that we are talking about throughout this section don’t have to be sexual. The sad truth is that sometimes we feel threatened if our man is truly on fire for the Lord because somehow we think his passion for God negates his passion for us. If that sense of threat causes us to do whatever we can to break down his enthusiasm and drag him back to a safe middle ground, we’re in big trouble. When we deliberately pull a man down from his God-given convictions, we are playing the devil-and we need to recognize it and stop.

1. Share about a time you felt threatened by the convictions of a man in your life? What do you think was behind this fear?

Beth goes into talking about omnipotence and omniscience. Omnipotence is “all-knowing” and Beth says that an insecure person’s greatest need for control is directed toward those who have the most potential to either threaten her security or strengthen it. (WOW). That’s often times why we go after boyfriends, husbands, significant others. Re-read the section on page 208-209.

1. Whom do you find yourself most wanting to control? What do you think is the connection between insecurity and a desire for control?
2. How is appropriate parental authority different from excessive parental control?

“I believe our greatest challenge as women is to avoid trying to control someone toward  what we’re genuinely convinced is a better life. The more insecure we are, the more tempting it is because something is in it for us, too. In other words, if my loved one would __________, then i’d be ___________.” (Pg. 210)

1. How would you fill in the blanks?
2. What are some ways we can combat the tendency to play God in the lives of those we love?

Beth says the bottom line about control is that people will always do what they want. You can’t make them, force them, change them, or deliver them. Only God can. And that’s why He is the omnipotent one. (Pg. 214)

1. Have ou ever come up against the realization that you can’t change anyone? What were the circumstances?

The next issue that we talk about is our desire to be like God: omniscience, or the desire to know it all. (UH, YES). We want to know everything. On pg. 215-218 Beth tells us a story about a woman she knew that found out too much information on her fiancé. Re-read everything on page. 218-219.

1. Have you ever found yourself in a station where you asked for more information than you could handle? What happened?
2. Have you ever sensed that God was setting limits on your knowledge based on what you can handle? Have you ever set boundaries for what you should or shouldn’t know? How do you know when you’re crossing a boundary?

As we look at scripture today we see some ways that we try to play God. Beth’s goal is for us to re-gain the right perspective about God. She hopes that when we see His power and knowledge, we’ll see that he really doesn’t need help.

1. Read Psalm 104: 24-32. Think about the images of God’s power that are included.
2. What phrases or images stand out the most to you? How is God’s power-his omnipotence-communicated?
3. Read Isaiah 55: 8-11. What does it mean that the Lord’s thoughts are higher than ours?
4. How does a bigger, more accurate picture of God help us gain perspective on ourselves and our limitations?
5. God can do anything!! Read 1 Thessalonians 5: 23-24. How is God changing us? What does He promise in this passage?
6. Read Philippians 1: 3-6. What is Paul confident about (verse 6)? How can this assurance give us hope-and cure us of our desire to change others?

In your journal:

1. If you’ve experienced a situation where you grasped for more information than you could handle, ask the Lord for His help and healing this week. Pray for the ability to discern and respect the boundaries He sets for you.
2. Think about the situations in your life that tempt you to try to be omnipotent or omniscient. What do you need to let go of? Ask God to help you develop a plan for dealing with these temptations.
3. If you’re feeling brave, ask your spouse or close friend how you and your relationships could benefit from your increased security. What steps can you take this week in that direction?

Assigned Reading: Chapter 13 and 14. As you’re reading in the book, underline what is jumping out at you, what you think is true, what surprises you, and what seems to be the most challenging. Maybe you highlight the answers to each of those questions in a different color.

Prayer Requests?

Let God be God today. Have a great Monday!

So Long, Insecurity: Week 6

Good mourning, Monday! (Haha!! I originally typed morning to be “moooorrrnnning” but it auto-corrected to that one and I feel as though it might be more fitting ;))

In prep for today’s discussion, we were all to read chapter 10.

Last week our discussion ended with the challenge to spend one-on-one time with God, reflecting the prayer in chapter 9. Were you able to take that time? If you would like to share, tell us how the experience went. Was it meaningful? Humbling? Weird? Challenging? Encourage? What did you take away from your time with God?

Here’s a word from Beth this week:

I hope all of you were able to pray through chapter 9 last week. My prayer is that someday each of you will be able to look back and see this as a turning point in your life-the moment when you decided insecurity was no longer going to control you. May it be a fresh start for all of us new creatures in Christ as we find our security in Him.

This week we are talking about men-how we view them, the insecurities the deal with, and our unreasonable expectation that they will provide our security. Hear me on this: our discussion today is not just for married women or women involved in romantic relationships. Even if your last date was so long ago you can’t see it in your rearview mirror, you have something to add to the conversation. All of us interact with men in various ways whether they’re our husbands or our boyfriends, or our fathers, sons, pastors, bosses, neighbors, or friends.

Women don’t’t have a corner on the insecurity market, Men are insecure, too, even though they may show it in different ways. Let’s have compassion on them as we have this discussion, remember that they are, above all, our brothers in Christ.

As shared in chapter 10, a number of men responded to survey questions on Beth’s blog about their own insecurities. Re-read some of them in pages 181-187.

1. What areas do you notice as common sources of insecurity? Do ay of these surprise you?

*Lots of them included wife’s happiness, worries about infidenlity, physical appearance, relationships, and fear of failure. Hmmmm, sounds familiar right ladies?*

Beth’s son-in-law named fear of failure as men’s number 1 insecurity. And she said he definitely hit the nail on the head.

Two areas of potential failure floated to the top among the responses. In uncontested first place: failure to provide. The fear was so raw and real that it stirred up significant compassion in me, shook loose a few preconceptions, and gave me a new appreciate for what men face…
The temptation for men to confuse who they are with what they make is astronomical. Add economic meltdowns, foreclosures, pay cuts, and layoffs to the landscape, and you’ve got yourself a serious breeding group pro insecurity. The thought occurred to me that the same culture that makes so many women feel inadequate physically makes just as many men feel inadequate financially. (page 186-187)

1. Why do you think fear of failure tops the list of male insecurities? What pressures does our society place on men that feed these fears?
2. How might being aware of these fears give you insight into the men in your life (husband, father, son, brother, supervisor, etc.)?

The survey also revealed that men tend to respond to insecurity different than women. Men withdraw. (Re-read on page 194-195). And why does Beth continue to talk about how women aren’t the only gender that struggles with insecurities? Because more often than not we view men has gods or devils. We should understand they they’re as human as we are. Too often we vacillate between adoring them and abhorring them…neither of which is healthy.

1. How have you observed the tendency to withdraw in the men in your life? How might interpreting this as a single of insecurity change the way you react?
2. Give examples from movies or books or anything that shows our tendency to idealize men and see them as solutions to our problems.
3. Can you think of times in your life when you thought of men this way? How did it affect your relationships and sense of self-worth?

In Mark 8:22-25 we read where Jesus restores the bling man’s sight. This was a literal healing that must have amazed those who saw it and heard about it. The same wonderful Jesus who touched this blind man’s eye can tough us, too, so we can see properly. It’s no less miraculous when Jesus respites our spiritual vision, allowing us to see things (and people) clearly. Let’s look at some passages that give us clarify as we seek a correct perspective on men.

1. Read Romans 3:21-24. What blunt truth does this passage tell us about humans, men and women alike? How does this truth keep us from either criticizing men or putting them on a pedestal?
2. Read Genesis 1:26-27. What do men and women have in common, according to this passage? What does it mean to be made in God’s image? What effect should this have on how we treat men or think about them?
3. Read Ephesians 4:1-6. According to this passage, how are we instructed to live with each other as believers? How are these qualities affecting the way we interact with our Christian brothers?

Beth says: The only way we can develop a healthy, God-honoring view of humans-male or female-is to see them as God sees them. And the only way we learn to do this is from God. When we keep our eyes on Him, incredible things can happen. Our who way of thinking can be realigned.

1. Read Matthew 14:22-32. What fears and carries was peter able to overcome when he kept his eyes on Christ? And why was he able to do this?
2. Fear of the storm, fear that Jesus was a ghost, fear of the impossible (knowing he shouldn’t be able to walk on water!). What happened when Peter noticed the wind and looked down the waves?

We sometimes criticize Peter for losing his nerve so quickly, but let’s not forget the guts it took to step out of the boat in the first place. Peter was  fisherman and had spent a lot of time on the water. He knew very well that according to all the normal, natural laws, it was physically impossible for him to step on the water. Yet when his eyes and thoughts were fixed on Jesus, he was able to get out of the boat. He knew that if Jesus was calling him, nothing else mattered. The storm was scary, but Jesus was more powerful. The water was wild and wet and decidedly not solid ground, but Jesus could transform it. Peter knew that on his own he was weak and sinful and afraid, but with Jesus in from of him, all of that faded away.

1. Can you relate to Peter? Share a time when focusing on Christ enabled you to overcome fears or barriers.

*When we keep our eyes on Jesus, everything else-even the scary stuff, even our biggest hang-ups about men, even our elephant-sized insecurities-will fade. Looking at Christ helps us regain our perspective.*

1. Let’s finish up today by reading Hebrews 12:1-2. Where should we fix our eyes? How does that perspective change the way we view others around us?

In your journal:

1. Re-read the quote from page 200-201 that starts with “Oh, that we would not fight…to…God-given dignity-and feet of clay”. Write down your needs this week, take the time to pray for others in your life as well.
2. Consider the flawed ways that you have viewed men. You may want to think of a few specific men who have played significant roles in your life and evaluate your attitude toward them. Have you erred toward adoring them or loathing them? Confess this to God and ask Him to correct your perspective.
3. Write Hebrews 12:1-2 and put it somewhere you will see it often. Every time you read it this week, ask God to help you fix your eyes on Jesus.

Assigned Reading: Chapter 11 and 12. As you’re reading in the book, underline what is jumping out at you, what you think is true, what surprises you, and what seems to be the most challenging. Maybe you highlight the answers to each of those questions in a different color.

Prayer Requests?

Have a great Monday!

So Long, Insecurity: Week 5

Half way through Online Bible Study already?? That’s just crazy!

In prep for today’s discussion, we were all to read chapters 7, 8, and 9.

Chapter 7 consisted of stories from other females about their insecurities and how far it’s made them go in their lives. Chapter 9 was a prayer we all will individually looked at, so this week is going to focus on Chapter 8.

Again, I encourage everyone to participate, but if you do not comment at least journal these or talk about them one-on-one with someone!

1. Like I said, Chapter 7 was made up of stories from women letting insecurity creep in and control part of their lives. So which one stood out to you and why? Maybe you share here or journal about a time that insecurity got the best of you and you made a fool of yourself.
2. Did anyone find examples (from last weeks homework) of ways the media puts pressure on women? What did you find? And how did you react to it?

Now that we have looked at all the roots of insecurity this is where we start looking at the solutions and not so much the problems! This is the good part!! We probably now have a good idea of why we’re insecure, whether it’s because of one root or many intertwined ones. Chapter 7 shows us the ridiculous and destructive things insecurity can make us do, and those are things we want to stop! Next we’ll look at becoming secure women. Chapter 8 focuses on Proverbs 31:25. Surely you’ve heard it multiple times throughout your life. This verse addresses the worthy goal of dignity.

1. What images or people come to mind when you hear the word dignity? Who are some women that you know who fit the description? Is dignity a characteristic you asccoeit with yourself?

On pages 148-149 Beth writes: Insecurity is about losing our God-given dignity…Our enemy is hoping we’ll get caught in a pitiful cycle of reacting to a sudden rush of insecurity with foolishness, feeling even more insecure, acting even more foolish, and then feeling vastly more insecure. He wants us to keep digging ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole until we feel completely stuck in this miserable corkscrew of self-hated. Listen carefully: we can begin to break this cycle this very day…The cycle begins to break when even though we may still feel insecure, we make a deliberate choice to not act on that feeling.

1. How have you experienced this cycle? Have you been able to break it in th past? Do you think it’s possible to change?

On Pages 150-152 Beth shares some of her story about dealing with insecurity. In her words: “Healing hasn’t happened all at once for me-it has been more of a process. But I know that Christ has the power to set us free from anything-including insecurity. He doesn’t want us to stay stuck there; He wants to transform us so we can see the dignity we have in Him. Let’s unpack a few of the ideas we can find in the key verse this week of Proverbs 31:25:

She is clothed with strength and dignity.

On page 155 Beth writes:

I have come to a place where I’m willing to be transparent with my security, but I find great relief that human eyes have to see it through the filter-the clothing-of my God-given strength and dignity. I don’t have to stand before you or anybody else in total emotional nakedness. I have a scriptural covering that gives me the courage to expose my most personal self. When you and I are triggered to expose the most vulnerable, broken parts of ourselves through a rush of insecurity, we can train ourselves to immediately recite this truth to your souls: “It’s okay. I’m completely clothed.” An oddly, that very thought all by itself begins the healing. We are not nearly as likely to react with the same level of insecurity when we remember how well covered we are by God.

1. What does it mean to be clothed by God? How does this image help you as you think about putting yourself in vulnerable situations-maybe even this discussion group-where you could be revealing your weakness? (Maybe not to the group but either to yourself or someone else)

Proverbs 31:10 is often translated using the phrase “a virtuous woman.” But the Hebrew term for virtuous is also used to mean “mighty.” Word Biblical Commentary translates the phrase as “a woman of valor.” As we see in verse 25, the woman is described as being clothed with strength!

1. What women do you know who demonstrate might, strength, or valor? Can you think of an incident or season in your own life when those words described you?

***Surround yourself with these women!! Proverbs 13:20 comes to mind for me here.****

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines dignity as “the quality or set of being worthy, honored, or esteemed.” Psalm 8:5 says that God “crowned [humans] with glory and honor,” and here honor is derived from the same Hebrew term that means “dignity.” In other words, we are worthy, honored, and esteemed because God gave those qualities to us! We are His prized creation. When we’re faced with insecurity triggers, we can counter these lies with statements of truth. For example,

• God has made me worthy of respect.

• I’m completely clothed by God.

• I am strong in Christ.

• What others think of me is less important than what God says is true of me.

1. Which of these affirmations would be most helpful for you? How can you be intentional about incorporating them into your thinking? What others can you suggest?

You are clothes with dignity! You are worthy of honor and respect!

*Chapter 9 was written to give women an opportunity to ask God, in a time of heartfelt, focused prayer, to restore their dignity and deliver them from insecurity. Since the chapter is personal, one-on-one time with God, most of the content will be addressed in the “On Your Own” part.*

Re-read the part of page 162-163 from “Hear this at a yell…to thank Him in advance because you know that what you’ve asked is as good as done.”

1. How can we approach God with a request when we’re certain it’s in His will? What kind of freedom does this give us?

Now read 1 John 5:14-15 and John 15:7. What things can we know absolutely are in God’s will? How can you approach God with confidence as you move into this week of targeted prayer?

Another prayer God always answers is a request for Him to root out our pride. We talked earlier about what a big favor pride is in our insecurity. Why? Because a big ego makes us put ourselves front and center. We waste valuable time and energy wondering if we’re prettier or smarter or more accomplished that other people around us-and then dealing with the backlash when we come across someone who clearly outranks us in those areas. Everything becomes about us, and too often we can’t see past ourselves to notice the real hurt and needs around us. If we are willing to humble ourselves, God will help us change that attitude.

1. Read Philippians 2:1-4. What does the passage tell us about pride? In practical terms, what does humility look like?

Pride constricts our thinking. Humility expands it. Pride gives us tunnel vision so narrow we can barely see two inches in front of our faces. And, what’s worse, it sucks us dry of energy and compassion. Let’s be honest: constantly comparing ourselves with others is exhausting. That’s why the next passage is so great.

1. Read Matthew 11:28-30. What strikes you about Jesus’ example of humility? What kind of rest do you think Jesus is talking about here?

Beth writes: Jesus invites us to stop striving so hard. We can stop trying to get God to love us because of the things we do. We can stop seeking other people’s approval. We can stop competing in our own internal contests, trying to be the first or the best or the most popular. Those are the things that burden us and exhaust us. We don’t need to hold on to pride! We don’t have to complete because Jesus offers grace and rest when we follow Him. His love is conditional. The value He places on us as His beloved creation is unconditional. You don’t have to earn the right to have respect and dignity-He makes you worthy of it. Praise the Lord!!!!

In your journal:

1. Set aside time with Jesus this week to really talk to Him and pray. Ask him to speak into your life and encourage you with your walk towards security.
2. Re-read and pray through the prayer in Chapter 9. Make it personal and real. God will answer. I am reminded of one of my favorite verses here.
   Matthew 21:22 “Pray for anything and if you have faith you will receive it.”

Assigned Reading: Chapter 10. As you’re reading in the book, underline what is jumping out at you, what you think is true, what surprises you, and what seems to be the most challenging. Maybe you highlight the answers to each of those questions in a different color.

Prayer Requests?

Have a great Monday, y’all! And don’t forget Proverbs 31:25 this week.